Project Runway 6 - Episode 8 Preview

The L.A. Nine

It's a special Bravo-themed episode on Lifetime's Project Runway this week, fashion fans! We'll explain that in a moment, but first let's say congratulations to this past week's winner, Irina!

 "There. No offense, Gordana, but all your ideas are dumbass-stupid."

The responses to last week's Macy's "blue" challenge were, on the whole, about as inspired as the insipid challenge, but Irina captained team Iridana (Gordina?) to victory. Anybody else catch that every time they said something about the winning designer creating a "holiday look" to be sold at Macy's, it was always in a voice over? Yeah, we're pretty sure the original challenge reward was to have the winning look produced and sold in a Macy's spring collection, but Bravo's drawn-out custody lawsuit pretty much killed that. So instead of this,

They're selling this:

Action figures not included.

Frankly, we're disappointed. When they said "holiday design," we thought we were going to get a sweater with reindeer on it. Regardless, Irina takes home another win, making her the first designer with two first place wins in a season otherwise defined by its parity.

While we predicted Irina's win, our guess that Logan would be out was our biggest whiff of the season. All our mental gymnastics and clever readings of the preview videos were for naught, it seems. (Naughty Logan, for not choosing Kojii back!) How did he and Althea squeak by with this blue version of Althea's episode four off-kilter suit--

--and this outfit, which, as Tom and Lorenzo point out, had no blue in it:

The simple answer?

Shiny pants!

For the second time this season, Logan used the shiny pants to get out of trouble. They're like a Jedi mind trick.

Logan: "These aren't the dresses you're looking to auf."

Heidi & Michael: "These aren't the dresses we're looking to auf."

They sparkle. They shine. They mesmerize. That's why we were wrong! Logan wore the shiny pants! Nothing can resist the power of the shiny pants, not even our powers of prognostication!

We kid, of course. We knew our guess was wrong the minute Logan wasn't chosen to be a team leader. We were also pretty sure he and Althea wouldn't be on the bottom with Christopher and Epperson when we saw Louise and Nicolas send this down the runway:

There is a fungus among us.

Oh, Louise. No no no no no. We were in your corner, Louise, we swear--but this one had us screaming, "Cut me, Lou! Cut me!" In trying to be more daring, Louise went too far over the top, and that sent her down for the count.

Farewell, firefly.

Time seemed to be Louise's worst enemy in the world of Project Runway. Her vision was long, but her time was short. About seven episodes short, it turns out. So long, Louise. The show will be less colorful without you.

 

"Curse you, Dr. Ruffles, my arch nemesis! ... Or would that be nemeses?"

And while we're on the topic of going home, we can't be the only ones to notice just how much abuse Heidi piled on Nicolas there at the end. We're not saying it wasn't justified--but the repeated admonitions that he was "very lucky to have immunity" were pretty darn blatant. Anybody else think the "one or more of you might go home" threat might have been more real without Nicolas' Snow Queen immunity from last week? We think they maybe were going to send the losing team home, but Nicolas foiled their nefarious plans.

And speaking of Nicolas, let's go to the Big Board of Shame™!

 For the purposes of this week's team competition, we're counting the top team's leader (Irina) as the winner (natch), the second-place team's leader (Carol Hannah) as second place overall, and the top team's assistant (Gordana) as third place. (Sorry, Shirin!) We do the same, but backwards, for the losers: Epperson is safe, Nicolas is third worst, Christopher is second worst, and Louise, of course, is out. Bring on the rankings!

Irina: 14 points (Two 1st places, One 3rd place, Four safes)
Althea: 13 points (One 1st place, One 2nd place, One 3rd place, Four safes)
Carol Hannah: 11 points (Two 2nd places, Five safes)
Shirin: 10 points (One 1st place, Six safes)
Epperson: 10 points (One 2nd place, One 3rd place, Five safes)
Christopher: 10 points (One 1st place, Two 2nd places, Three safes, One 2nd worst)
Logan: 3 points (Six safes, One 2nd worst)
Gordana: 2 points (One 3rd place, Four safes, Two 3rd worsts)
Nicolas: 0 points (One 1st place, Three safes, Two 3rd worsts, One 2nd worst)

--------------aufed--------------

Ra'mon: 3 points (One 1st place, One 2nd place, Two safes, One 3rd worst, One Auf)
Johnny: 0 points (One 2nd place, One 3rd place, One safe, One 3rd worst, One Auf)
Louise: -1 point (One 3rd place, Four safes, One 2nd worst, One Auf)
Malvin: -3 points (One safe, One Auf)
Ari: -4 points (One Auf)
Qristyl: -8 points (One safe, One 3rd worst, One 2nd worst, One Auf)
Mitchell: -10 points (Two 2nd worsts, One Auf)

Scoring: 1st place (4 pts), 2nd place (3 pts), 3rd place (2 pts), Safe (1 pt), 3rd worst (-2 pts), 2nd worst (-3 pts), Aufed (-4 pts)

The Annotated Big Board:

- Irina jumps into first, just ahead of Althea. Are we looking at two of the finalists setting the pace for the pack? Irina, as we said before, becomes the first Season Six designer with two wins.

- Christopher drops back to the pack on the heels of his almost-Auf.

- Carol Hannah, Shirin, and Epperson form a mediocre middle. There are five top three finishes here, yes, but those are the only five times these three designers have been noticed at all. If you're looking for a "snoozefest," check out these three designers' combined sixteen safe designs. Safe is okay early on, but it's time for these folks to step it up if they want to prove they belong in Bryant Park.

- Logan, Gordana, and Nicolas still occupy the cellar. Besides Nicolas and his first place win two weeks ago, none of these three has shown the ability to impress the judges. By this point, the idea that they'll produce something dynamic enough to wow the judges seems unlikely.

- Odd couples: Shirin (10 points) and Logan (3 points), though far apart in the standings, are perhaps the most boring designers in the competition so far, tying each other with six safes out of seven episodes so far. Meanwhile, Christopher (10 points) and Nicolas (0 points) are perhaps the least boring designers in the competition, each with only three safes apiece. The big difference? Christopher has been in the top three times and the bottom only once, while Nicolas has been on the bottom three times and the top only once...

- Carol Hannah: always a bridesmaid and never the bride?

No better transition than that this week, so on to the preview!

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SPOILER ALERT: As we point out each week, we don't have any prior knowledge of what's to come, other than (usually) the guest judge, (sometimes) a vague idea about the competition, and (occasionally) whatever preview videos Lifetime chooses to air. Using all these sources of public information, we make guesses about who will be in and who will be out. Often bad guesses (like last week's Logan debacle!) but, we hope, fun ones. If you prefer to be surprised by this week's episode, we suggest renting a copy of Kramer vs. Kramer.

* * * * * * * * * * *

This week, Project Runway features something old...

 (Yes, we mean Epperson.)

Something new...

(Yes, we mean Shirin--not Tim and Shirin's forbidden love.)

Something borrowed...

(Tamara Mellon and Zanna Roberts, on loan from the UK)

And something blue...

(Gordana with the blue hands we thought we were going to see last episode...)

Yes, dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these nine remaining designers to celebrate the union of Project Runway and Lifetime in holy matrimony with a wedding dress challenge!

Tonight on Lifetime: Nine Weddings and a Funeral.

Wait though--if this is a wedding dress challenge, why are they already wearing wedding dresses? Oh. Oh no. The designers aren't making wedding dresses, they're refashioning them! Haven't we done this before? And disastrously?

A French maid, on her way to a funeral.

That's it! Steven Rosengard's Season Four "What's the Skinny?" wedding dress refashion. Ah, but he was the only one with the wedding dress to remake. We see how this challenge is very different. (cough cough)

 

That woman in the middle? She's going to want a Lord of the Rings dress. You can just tell.

So this episode isn't about marriage, it's about divorce--all these ladies, Heidi tells us in the preview, are recent divorceés. (To which Gordana says, humorously, "Congratulations.") Thus it's more a parallel to Project Runway leaving Bravo than Project Runway joining Lifetime. Only after the nasty divorce proceedings is Project Runway finally free to shack up with Lifetime and make a fashionable new beginning.

Okay. We won't beat that metaphor to death. But we can't help but see the connection between Project Runway's bitter divorce battle from Bravo and this challenge, where newfound independence is being celebrated. How well it will be celebrated by these ladies will depend a lot on what the designers are able to do with their wedding dresses. In the "What's the Skinny?" episode two seasons ago, no one--absolutely no one--wanted the wedding dress. So which of these designers is going to embrace change and polyester, and who among them will leave this challenge at the altar?

"Thanks, Tim. I've come to think of you like a third grandfather to me."

Shirin is in trouble. Her client wants "something superfly, like a head dress." Shirin, who is eager to please her client, is worried it's looking too Vegas. Shirin, listen to us: put the head dress down and WALK AWAY. Just like Logan in the Models as Clients challenge, Shirin has got to learn--very quickly--to listen to her client, but not too much. This sounds like the usually indomitable Shirin's Waterloo. We'll have to see what it does to that unbridled spirit of hers...if she survives.

"Here's your story. You're a divorced Snow Queen, and you want to rule the universe."

Nicolas tells us that his refashioned bridal gown is "one of the most hideous things I've ever made." If we took that literally, we would have a lot of things to compare it to. But so far, Nicolas' opinion of his own work has been pretty skewed. When he thinks he's on the top, he's on the bottom, and vice versa. (With the lone exception of his Snow Queen dress.) Here's another chance for him to make a sparkly white dress--but will the judges accuse him of "been there, done that?"

 "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

Christopher is on the runway again, but he's not crying, which we take to be a good sign. A comeback bid for the Brokedown Kid?

"I'm looking forward to connecting with some divorced females."

Logan says, "The whole look is disastrous." But is he talking about his own work, or someone else's?

 

"I just killed de young one vith all de eye make-up on. Vas dat wrong?"

And Gordana is having an Epperson-like breakdown on the phone with her family. Back when Bravo was married to Project Runway, preview clips of struggling designers were a sure sign they were going to do well--the old "classic misdirection." But now things have changed! We don't know what to expect anymore! The previews for last episode showed Irina freaking out--and she won. Does that mean Gordana is headed for a win? Or what about Shirin? She's even worse off in the previews!

 "Wherever I go, two dress forms stalk me. Are they back there? Did they follow me?"

But the one having the most trouble might be Epperson. Tim tells him, "This looks very lab-coaty to me," and as we've seen, Epperson has been pretty stubborn when it comes to his designs. Epp's not showing a lot of drama in the previews, but that's classic misdirection as well. Or maybe we're over thinking ourselves like last week...

They've gotten into our heads, that's what. The Lifetime video editors. We slipped up, and they've got us second-guessing ourselves! Now, a clever video editor would hide the identity of the aufed designer, because he would know that only a great fool would believe what he sees. We are not great fools, so we can clearly not choose the designers who aren't shown. But the video editors must have known we are not great fools; they would have counted on it, so we can clearly not choose the troubled designers they do show.

"Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Morons!"

So have we chosen who's in and who's out? Wait 'til we get going!

No, no. Enough Princess Bride. We really do have to decide, and there's no switching around the goblets on this one. We're going to go with the old tried and true method: those having trouble in the preview are generally going to surprise us and do well on the runway. That means we're picking both Shirin and Gordana for the top three. We'll put Christopher in that mix too. After all, Christopher, like many of the divorceés this episode, is on the rebound.

In the bottom three, we'll go with Epperson, Irina (in a turnaround from last week! Let's call it recalcitrance on her part) and Logan. He wore the shiny pants last time, which means he won't be wearing them this time! He's vulnerable! He's also, statistically, not among the best designers. He might surprise us, true, but the stats are not in his favor.

Winner: Shirin. Runner-up: Gordana. Third place: Christopher.

Auf: Epperson. Almost Auf: Logan. Third worst: Irina.

Safe: Althea, Carol Hannah, Nicolas.

 

"Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday.
Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam..." 

See you in seven.

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Gratz Industries: We watch the previews twenty times so you don't have to!