Project Runway 6 - Episode 2 Preview

>> Wednesday, August 26, 2009

"Yeah, I wear my hat cocked to one side. Just you wait. Ten years before now, everybody's going to be doing it."

Welcome to Week Two of Project Runway Season 6, friends--and congratulations to Week One winner Christopher, who defied our expectations here at Gratz Industries. He joins the ranks of Week One winners from seasons past: Austin Scarlett, Santino Rice, Keith Michael, Rami Kashou, and Kelli Martin. Interesting company, to say the least.

"Hold still while I lodge a small dead bird in your hair to complete the look."

In less dignified company is Week One loser Ari Fish. How her look was any kind of red carpet dress--now, or in the future--and how she could make such a pretty girl look so awful were the two questions that left us shaking our heads. (Honestly, when we saw the model afterward with her hair de-funkified and wearing normal clothes, we looked at each other and gasped. It was like Jekyll and Hyde.) The producers will no doubt miss her kaleidoscopic outfits, handstand antics, and "What if we don't sketch?" moments, but us? Not so much. As Wendi said after the aufing: "She was never a real contender, so she might as well go now." Ouch. Cold, but true. Ari moves on to be the perpetual hostess in the eliminated designers bunker.

Early impressions of everyone else? Well, as we said, Christopher surprised us. For not having fashion school experience, he did good. But please, Christopher: no more of this "Smocking? I've never even heard of that." One of us here at Gratz Industries could barely tell you the difference between a cuff and a collar, and he's still heard of smocking. Besides, rule number one of faking it: Never admit you don't know something. Just nod and say, "Oh. Smocking. Yeah. Cool." Christopher's earnestness might just be his undoing.

It's like my daddy always tol' me, never cross a girl with two names.

Carol Hannah's dress looked overworked, and Gordana's looked a little stiff--much like she was for her first challenge. We rolled our eyes at Johnny's drama, but when he showed up the next day ready to work and broke down the construction of his dress with Tim in the workroom, we sat up and paid attention. Love him or hate him, the boy appears to have vision, and the talent to create it. Louise and Logan we like, and Nicolas looks like he'll be a contender. The jury's still out for us on Shirin, Irina, and Althea, and Epperson needs to wow us. And Ra'mon? The producers seem to be singling him out as this season's Weepy McEmo. Observe: the various faces of Ra'mon in this week's handful of preview videos--





In tears.

The one positive thing we can take from all this, at least, is that Ra'mon is wearing different outfits each time. Either he keeps soiling himself and needs constant wardrobe changes, or he's around for four or five more episodes. We're sure he'd rather ride the emotional roller coaster for as long as he can if it means staying on the show. And for what it's worth, we'd like to see more of his designs.

Three designers we're not terribly excited to see more from are Mitchell, Malvin, and Qrystal. (We'll probably learn to spell Qrystal's name without looking it up just about the time she's aufed.) Yes, Mitchell gets something of a pass for mismeasuring his model--or her mismeasuring herself--but really, smocking? When you've never done it before? The dress he was building might have worked on Nicole Kidman, or maybe Gwyneth Paltrow, but not the Lohan. And speaking of Lohan, props to her for keeping a straight face when Qrystal told the judges she could see Lindsay wearing her shiny tropical explosion to the next Grammys. We weren't so straightfaced. Qrystal's a dynamic personality, and we like her--but the girl's going to have to up the taste level to succeed. As for Malvin? Wow. Mr. "I Don't Do Red Carpet Dresses But I Want to Be a Fashion Designer" can't be long for the Project Runway world.

Last season we had a lot of fun using past performance as a predictor of future success, so we thought we'd give it a go again this year and bring back the Big Board of Shame.Here's how we play:

Each week, designers earn a point value based on how their looks place on the runway. We give 4 points to the winner, 3 points for second place (easily identified as the first person sent off after the winner is announced, so there's some drama to the announcement), and 2 points to the third place designer. Each designer who is safe--neither in the top three nor the bottom three--earns 1 point. For the losing designers, third worst of the week earns -2, second worst earns -3 points, and the aufed designer gets -4 points.

Why do we even bother giving negative points to aufed designers? Because we keep track of where people place after they're gone too, giving us a sort of hierarchy of losers, which we can also compare to those designers still around. Thus, aufs have to count for something.

So here's how things shake out in the first week:

Christopher: 4 points (One 1st place)
Ra'mon: 3 points (One 2nd place)
Johnny: 2 points (One 3rd place)
Althea: 1 point (One safe)
Carol Hannah: 1 point (One safe)
Epperson: 1 point (One safe)
Gordana: 1 point (One safe)
Irina: 1 point (One safe)
Logan: 1 point (One safe)
Louise: 1 point (One safe)
Malvin: 1 point (One safe)
Nicolas: 1 point (One safe)
Shirin: 1 point (One safe)
Qrystal: -2 points (One 3rd worst)
Mitchell: -3 points (One 2nd worst)
Ari: -4 points (One auf)

Three or four episodes in, the Big Board of Shame will really start to show us who's playing for keeps, and who's overstaying their welcome. For those looking to keep track of wins week to week, Lifetime's Season Six Scorecard is a great reference, as is the magically updated, no frills Season Six Wikipedia chart.

But what about this week, you ask? More on that, after a pregnant pause...

* * * * * * * * * * *

SPOILER ALERT: As we point out each week, we don't have any prior knowledge of what's to come, other than (usually) the guest judge, (sometimes) a vague idea about the competition, and (occasionally) whatever preview videos Lifetime chooses to air. Using all these sources of public information, we make guesses about who will be in and who will be out. Often bad guesses, but (every now and then, we hope) fun ones. If you prefer to be surprised by this week's episode, we suggest you stop reading now and call your mother. Seriously, how long has it been since you called just to call?

* * * * * * * * * * *

"Now that celebrity judge is big!"

This week's guest judge is big, Heidi tells us in the teaser. Big! She also says the designers will "create a look for an actual celebrity." You know, not like Lindsay Lohan or somebody. No, it has to be somebody bigger! Somebody that will make all those designers put their hands to their mouths and scream! Somebody like...

Ladies and gentlemen, the star of Rollerball...

Rebecca Romijn!? She's the big Week Two guest judge? The woman whose biggest role was playing Mystique in all those X-Men movies? I mean, yeah, she was hot in all that blue latex paint, but boy, look at her now. She's really let herself go. She's...

..wait, she's what? Pregnant? Oh. That's what Heidi meant when she said big. We get it now. It's a maternity challenge.

Oh crap.

Christopher impregnates his dress form.

Yes, true believers, we're only two episodes in, and we have our first "you're not designing for stick figures" challenge, which usually throws more than a few of the designers off their games. They'll be using their models though, never fear--the models will just have to wear poochy baby-on-board bags around their tummies. Much silliness will ensue.

This girl has just doubled her body weight.

And of course the desingers will get into the act as well:

Epperson, the family man.

Some of the preview videos are clearly all about this episode, and they're all models and designers running around saying, "Ha-ha, look at me, I'm preggers." Others, like the official Lifetime preview video, include a number of scenes that can't be from this episode, like this one:

Or could Mitchell really be making hot pants for a pregnant woman? Well, he did send a model down the runway in almost nothing but her underwear...but, no. We refuse to believe it. Whatever he pulls out this week, it'll be enough to get him to whatever episode it is where he whips up the short shorts. The drab gray short shorts.

The person we think will have the real trouble with this one is Malvin. If Malvin doesn't do red carpet, it's a sure bet he doesn't do maternity either. Is there a designer left who is more ill-fitted for this challenge?

"If you want to wear it, I don't want to make it."

Barring any further evidence (we have no runway judging shots to analyze this week!) we're picking Malvin to cut the cord and leave the gentle, nurturing womb of Project Runway for the real world. Or whatever passes for the real world for him. We think he'll be joined in the losers bracket by Mitchell, and...let's say the mercurial Ra'mon, in a stark turnaround from last week.

But who will turn this mutha out? Well, we have to think that if Qrystal has any kind of chance at taking home a prize, it has to be this time, as her previous work has specialized in plus-sized, sorry, "plus sexy" outfits. But we're still leery of that purple people eater she sent down the runway last week. Let's give her third place. For the top two, we'll say...Nicolas, and Althea, with Althea hatching her first win.

As for Rebecca Romijn, we think we can accurately predict she will have twin girls: Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip. How do we know? Well, this season of Project Runway was filmed a year ago, and she had the healthy baby girls on December 28, 2008. Congratulations, Rebecca! You and John Stamos must be loving your "full house." Ha ha ha ha--

Wait, what? She's not married to John Stamos anymore? Dang. We knew we shouldn't have let our subscription to US Weekly run out in 1997.

Tune in next week, when we admit how horribly wrong we were. In the meantime, enjoy the musings of Andre and Uncle Nick, as they reflect on Episode One. Let's hope they do these all season long!


totallytv August 26, 2009 at 11:23 PM  

HAHAHA! You're comments are spot on! Hilarious!

Tom August 27, 2009 at 8:40 AM  

I still haven't learned that I shouldn't take a big gulp of coffee while I'm reading you! What a HOOT! Bravo! I mean, well done!


JJ,  August 27, 2009 at 11:44 AM  

Always enjoy your pre-show analysis. Glad it's back. Surely though something is different this season (and which you've written about in other posts): this time we've already seen the final runway collection, and this will no doubt factor into our predictions about who is staying and who is going. For example - but I won't mention names - it seemed clear to me after the first episode who one of the three finalists will be, and, truthfully, this designer would have been somewhere near the bottom one-third if I were ranking the designers from 1 to 16, w/o having seen the Fashion Week photos. I also think the photo you posted of ten designers standing on the runway will influence my own predictions. It's inevitable.

Nancy August 27, 2009 at 12:20 PM  

Ah hahahahahaha! I'm coming right here for commentary after tonight's episode! (Well, maybe not right after. But soon!)

-Nancy Werlin

TG August 30, 2009 at 1:58 PM  

..."We rolled our eyes at Johnny's drama"

nice entourage reference

enjoying your writeups immensely, incisive and funny as hell

Qrystal August 31, 2009 at 4:45 PM  

Just wanted to say hi, because my Google Alerts keep perking up whenever you say Qrystal. It's funny that you mention how it's possble you've misspelled, because well... you have. You mean to say disappointing things about someone who spells it Qristyl, and you don't mean me at all!

Qrystal's MY dot-name, please don't wear it out! :) (Glad I'm not a designer, or else I might be otherwise affected by this mixup!)

Alan August 31, 2009 at 9:21 PM  

@ Qrystal:

Er, oops. You're right. We went and looked it up and STILL didn't spell it right. Her name is Qristyl, not Qrystal.

Again, just about the time we get it right....

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