MST3K's Nicknames for Space Mutiny's Dave Ryder

>> Thursday, December 10, 2015



Herewith, a list of all the nicknames Mike and the Bots give the character Dave Ryder in the stink-a-rific cheesy movie SPACE MUTINY:

Beat Punchbeef
Big McLargehuge
Blast Hardcheese
Blast Thickneck
Bold Bigflank
Bolt Vanderhuge
Brick Hardmeat
Buck Plankchest
Buff Drinklots
Buff Hardback
Butch Deadlift
Crud BoneMeal
Crunch Buttsteak
Dirk Hardpec
Fist Rockbone
Flint Ironstag
Fridge Largemeat
Gristle McThornbody
Hack Blowfist
Lump Beefbroth
Punch Rockgroin
Punch Sideiron
Punt Speedchunk
Reef Blastbody
Roll Fizzlebeef
Rip Steakface
Slab Bulkhead
Slab Squatthrust
Slate Fistcrunch
Slate Slabrock
Smash Lampjaw
Smoke Manmuscle
Splint Chesthair
Stump Beefknob
Stump Chunkman
Thick McRunfast
Touch Rustrod
Trunk Slamchest
Whip Slagcheek
and Bob Johnson.

Wait.

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Launchpad - Astronomy Camp for Writers

>> Friday, July 24, 2015


I’m looking through a telescope at a bright dot the size of an aspirin. Spread out to either side of it in a perfect line are four tiny specks, like a glowing ellipsis. This is Jupiter and its four largest moons, and I’m seeing them the way Galileo first did in 1610, when he became the first person to prove definitively that there were things in the universe that didn’t revolve around the Earth or the Sun.


I didn’t build my own telescope, like Galileo did, and I’m not in Italy, like he was. I’m standing on the roof of the Astronomy Department at the University of Wyoming at Laramie on the first night of Launchpad 2015, a week-long astronomy camp for writers. Founded by University of Wyoming Astronomy professor Mike Brotherton in 2007, Launchpad’s goal is to teach writers with audiences young and old about the modern science of astronomy, with the hope that those writers will go on to educate the public and help inspire the next generation of scientists through their stories.


 The first day of Launchpad lifted off with lectures about our local “neighborhood”: Earth’s seasons, the Solar System, and the phases of the moon—with an eye toward helping writers get all those night scenes right. The next day we talked about the electromagnetic spectrum, gravity, Newton, Kepler, orbits, and Einstein before getting into the rock stars of astronomy—exoplanets, supernovas, neutron stars, and black holes—later in the week. Our last day was spent covering the cutting edge of astronomy: quasars, dark matter, dark energy, and cosmological theory. Along the way, we took time out for rooftop stargazing, attending planetarium presentations, analyzing the spectrometry of different gases, and searching for exoplanets. A highlight of the week was a trip to WIRO, the University of Wyoming Infrared Observatory, home to a 2.3 meter telescope on top of Jelm Mountain outside Laramie.


 Since the focus of Launchpad is on astronomy in fiction, our instructors also took plenty of time throughout the week to point out astronomical errors in books, TV, and films. Asteroid fields, we learned, look nothing like the treacherous one Han Solo pilots the Millennium Falcon through in The Empire Strikes Back—in real asteroid fields, the giant rocks are few and far between. You don’t listen to radio telescopes, as Jodie Foster does in Contact, you read graphs of light wavelengths on a computer screen. And it won’t be pleasant, but you don’t automatically freeze or explode when you’re exposed to the vacuum of space, as characters do again and again in fiction. All the air will blow out of your lungs, the saliva in your mouth will boil away, you’ll get the bends, and you’ll pass out in about 15 seconds…but you won’t explode.


When Launchpad came to an end six days later—far sooner than the heat death of the universe, but just as regrettable—my head and notebook were packed with astronomical facts. Even better, I had enough story ideas to last me as long as one of Pluto’s orbits around the sun (248 years). Launchpad was an incredible week of scientific discussion, inspiration, and camaraderie. And incredibly, through the help of grants and donations, everything at Launchpad is free—room, board, and instruction. They were even able to cover some attendees’ airfare.


If you’re a published author and interested in attending Launchpad, you can find out more at http://www.launchpadworkshop.org/. Like Galileo, you might get to see the moons of Jupiter up close and personal—without having to answer to the Inquisition for it afterward.

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More Canterbury Tales

>> Sunday, February 22, 2015


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More Canterbury Tales

>> Sunday, February 15, 2015


Just for you, Tanita!

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More Canterbury Tales

>> Saturday, February 7, 2015

Found these while clearing out some old files in the cabinet. Back in the mid-90s, I briefly had the fun idea to take medieval drawings and put funny captions on them. I give you, MORE CANTERBURY TALES by Meister Gratz:






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Books read in 2014

>> Monday, January 19, 2015

It's time for my annual review of all the books I read in the previous year! I've been recording the books I've read (not counting my own as I write them, which I read over and over and over again) since 2004, and I love going back to look at what I read in the past year! So here's my tenth anniversary list of what I've read in the last calendar year:

January (7 books read)

The Black Mountain - Rex Stout
Sandman Mystery Theatre: The Tarantula - Matt Wagner and Guy Davis
In the Forest of Harm - Sallie Bissell
Century: 2009 - Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill
Death in the Clouds - Agatha Christie
Katelyn's Killer - John Gordon
Zatanna: Shades of the Past - Paul Dini

February (8 books read)

The Keeper of the Isis Light - Monica Hughes
Sandman Mystery Theatre: The Vamp - Matt Wagner, Steven Seagle, and Guy Davis
The Other Woman - Hank Phillippi Ryan
Sandman Mystery Theatre: The Scorpion - Matt Wagner, Steven Seagle, and Guy Davis
Speaking From Among the Bones - Alan Bradley
Tuck Everlasting - Natalie Babbitt (reread)
Sandman Mystery Theatre: Dr. Death and The Night of the Butcher - Matt Wagner, Steven Seagle, and Guy Davis
The Unexpected Mrs. Pollifax - Dorothy Gilman

March (6 books read)

Lord Kelvin's Machine - James P. Blaylock
Sandman Mystery Theatre: The Hourman and The Python - Matt Wagner, Steven Seagle, and Guy Davis
The Amazing Mrs. Pollifax - Dorothy Gilman
The Elusive Mrs. Pollifax - Dorothy Gilman
Manage Your Day-to-Day - Edited by Jocelyn K. Glei
A Feast for Crows - George R. R. Martin

April (3 books read)

Sandman Mystery Theatre: The Mist and The Phantom of the Fair
A Palm for Mrs. Pollifax - Dorothy Gilman
How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
(I guess April was a busy month!)

May (2 books read)

Grasshopper Jungle - Andrew Smith
Sandman Mystery Theatre: The Blackhawk and The Return of the Scarlet Ghost - Matt Wagner, Steven Seagle, and Guy Davis
(May must have been busy too!)

June (4 books read)

Hark! A Vagrant. - Kate Beaton
Dogsong - Gary Paulsen
Andre the Giant - Box Brown
Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library - Chris Grabenstein

July (6 books read)

Murder in Mesopotamia - Agatha Christie
Lobster Johnson: Satan Smells a Rat - Mike Mignola and John Arcudi
The Surgeon's Mate - Patrick O'Brian
The Marshal of the Borgo - Joe D'Agnese
Mrs. Pollifax on Safari - Dorothy Gilman
Mrs. Pollifax on the China Station - Dorothy Gilman

August (6 books read)

Lockwood & Co.: The Screaming Staircase - Jonathan Stroud
Mrs. Pollifax and the Hong Kong Buddha - Dorothy Gilman
Japantown - Barry Lancet
The Coroner's Lunch - Colin Cotterill
Hellboy in Hell: The Descent - Mike Mignola
Veronica Mars: The Thousand Dollar Tan Line - Rob Thomas and Jennifer Graham

September (5 books read)

Promised Land - Robert Parker
The Judas Goat - Robert Parker
The Girl with All the Gifts - M. R. Carey
Mrs. Pollifax and the Whirling Dervish - Dorothy Gilman
Fringe: The Zodiac Paradox - Christina Faust

October (9 books read)

The Buck Passes Flynn - Gregory McDonald
The Fourteenth Goldfish - Jennifer L. Holm
B.P.R.D.: Vampire - Mike Mignola et al.
The Killing Floor - Lee Child
Tongues of Serpents - Naomi Novik
El Deafo - CeCe Bell
Cards on the Table - Agatha Christie
Mrs. Pollifax and the Second Thief - Dorothy Gilman
Mrs. Pollifax Pursued - Dorothy Gilman

November (6 books read)

Bitter Seeds - Ian Tregillis
Gottland - Mariusz Szcygiel
Mrs. Pollifax and the Lion Killer - Dorothy Gilman
Plot it Yourself - Rex Stout
Mrs. Pollifax, Innocent Tourist - Dorothy Gilman
Choose Your Own Autobiography - Neil Patrick Harris

December (6 books read)

Mrs. Pollifax Unveiled - Dorothy Gilman
The Watch That Ends the Night: Voices from the Titanic - Allan Wolf
Hulk Visionaries 6 - Peter David et al.
Ms. Marvel: No Normal - G. Willow Wilson and Adrian Alphona
Code Name Verity - Elizabeth Wein
As You Wish - Cary Elwes

68 books read! And a hefty percentage of them were Mrs. Pollifax adventures by Dorothy Gilman. In fact, I read though the entire run of Mrs. Pollifax novels in one year! Or rather, I listened to them--each of those was listened to, rather than red. Mrs. Pollifax was my go-to audiobook of choice for car trips this year. I did a lot of driving this year!

I'm already five books into the new year. Here's looking forward to next year's list!

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What are the odds?

>> Thursday, August 7, 2014



Before I get to the writing this morning, I wanted to post something interesting I ran across in a recent Time Magazine article. It's called "Summer Books" by Lev Grossman, and he talks about how some summers are defined by a particular book that becomes the summer "beach read" of the year. It doesn't happen every year, he argues, but when it does--like with 2012's Gone Girl or 2002's The Lovely Bones--those books define the summer. (He lists many more.) These books, he argues, deserve the title of "book of the summer" because they were unexpected hits--so he discounts books like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows because that was going to be a hit whenever it was published. (Here's the full article.)

The most interesting thing about the article to me, and the thing I thought would be useful to kids book writers, is a sidebar in which he playfully "gives odds" on which new books might potentially become 2014's "book of the summer." (The article appeared in the July7/July 14 issue; I'm a little behind on my reading, as usual.) He gives odds on each book, then lists pros and cons for why it might or might not become a special, bestselling, widely-read and -discussed book. It's the pros and cons I think are highly interesting. Here are the books and their descriptions, as presented in the magazine:

2-1
One Plus One by Jojo Moyes
Pros: Single mom plus nerdy millionaire equals unlikely romance. And there's a road trip!
Cons: Very few killer sharks.

2-1 
All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
Pros: Blind daughter of a locksmith meets reluctant Nazi engineering whiz! What more do you want?
Cons: Complex, historical fiction may not have the necessary mass appeal.

3-1
The Fever by Megan Abbott
Pros: Small-town girls hit by mystery syndrome. Tense, erotically fraught, has Gillian Flynn blurb.
Cons: Much adolescent angst. Are the stakes high enough?

4-1
We Were Liars by E. Lockhart
Pros: Rich people on an island; sharp, funny-sad writing; a head-snapping fourth-quarter reveal.
Cons: It's a YA novel, so some adults might pass.

4-1
Landline by Rainbow Rowell
Pros: Keen psychological insight, irrepressible humor and a supernatural twist: a woman can call her husband in the past.
Cons: Relative lack of violence, perverse sex.

5-1
One Kick by Chelsea Cain
Pros: Child kidnapping victim grows up to become ass-kicking vigilante looking for other missing children.
Cons: A thriller but maybe not a rule breaker.

6-1
The Quick by Lauren Owen
Pros: Set in lovely, lush Victorian London. Plus: vampires, vampires, vampires.
Cons: Owen's pacing is slow and artful--maybe too slow for some.

8-1
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot by David Shafer
Pros: Genius techno-thriller ala Neal Stephenson, powered by social-media info-conspiracy ala Dave Eggers.
Cons: Low-key romance may not play to all quadrants.


Okay. Interesting stuff! But what's most interesting to me are the pros and cons. The pros work best when they have a great hook, don't they? "Single mom plus nerdy millionaire equals unlikely romance." "Blind daughter of a locksmith meets reluctant Nazi engineering whiz!" "Small-town girls hit by mystery syndrome." "a woman can call her husband in the past." "Child kidnapping victim grows up to become ass-kicking vigilante looking for other missing children." The ones that seem like they have a harder chance of striking it big are the ones with hard-to-describe plots. Although there's a lot to be said for the kind of mystery you can't explain without giving the whole book away, ala Gone Girl or We Were Liars, in which case a book can hit it big just from people saying, "You have to read this."

The cons are really instructive too. Here they are here, with my own comments:

1) Very few killer sharks. (He's being jokey, but he's does have a point: outrageous things do sell books.)

2) Complex, historical fiction may not have the necessary mass appeal. (These kinds of books win awards, but do they get the broader readership?)

3) Much adolescent angst. Are the stakes high enough? (We don't have to worry about the angst--it comes with our territory. But "Are the stakes high enough?" is a question we should be asking in every book we write.)

4) It's a YA novel, so some adults might pass. (Not a YA-writer's problem!)

5) Relative lack of violence, perverse sex. (Again, not a kids book-writer's problem, probably, unless they're writing high-YA or New Adult. But it does pay to give the readers what they want, no matter what the age.

6) A thriller but maybe not a rule breaker. (Love this. Are we writing the same old book that's been written before, or are we pushing, maybe even breaking, the rules of our genres a little bit?)

7) Owen's pacing is slow and artful--maybe too slow for some. (Pacing is more important the younger you go! Get to the main problem quickly, and then don't let up.)

8) Low-key romance may not play to all quadrants. (True for YA: do you have some love-interest stuff in there? That will help it play to different readers. For MG, do you have an all boy-book? An all-girl book? That will limit your readership too.)


Food for thought! I'd love to hear other opinions about all this.

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Apply now to become the next Thurber House Children's Book Writer-in-Residence!

>> Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Four years ago, I was honored to be the Thurber House Children's Writer-in-Residence for four weeks in Columbus, Ohio. I lived in the attic of James Thurber's boyhood home, led writing workshops with local students, and had lots of time to work on my then-current work-in-progress: The League of Seven, which comes out this August! I had a great time--and you will too!

The application period is now open for the 2015 Thurber House Children's Writer-in-Residence. Here are the details:

Qualifications: Candidates must have at least one middle grade (roughly 3-6 grade) book published by a traditional trade publishing house, but no more than five and one new middle grade book under contract. Must have experience teaching/working with children in an educational setting.

Program: This is a 4-week residency during June, July, or August 2015. The specific time period is negotiated with the selected author. During the stay, the resident will teach writing-based activities to middle grade children for eight to ten hours per week in a variety of community settings, including the Thurber House Summer Writing Camp.

Past Thurber Residents: Deborah Wiles (2001), Kathryn Hewitt (02), Natasha Tarpley (03), Laurie Miller Hornik (04), Shelley Pearsall (05), Sam Swope (06), Lisa Yee (07), Alan Silberberg (08), Hope Anita Smith (09), and (10), Alan Gratz (11), Donna Gephart (12), Jane Kelley (13), Kristen Kittscher (14).

Stipend: $4,000

Housing: A furnished, two-bedroom apartment is provided on the third floor of Thurber House, the college home in Columbus, Ohio of James Thurber. All utilities except telephone are included. Internet access is available. Furnishings include all basic household items. No allowance is offered for travel or moving expenses; employment benefits are not provided.

Deadline for receipt of application materials is November 1, 2014.

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Of Shakespeare, Rayguns, and Independent Bookstores

>> Tuesday, June 24, 2014

In 2007, I learned an important lesson about independent bookstores.

My second novel, Something Rotten, a contemporary young adult mystery based on Shakespeare's Hamlet, came out that year from Penguin. I expected that it, like my first novel, would be carried everywhere—by independents and chains and online. But a few months away from the publication date, my editor e-mailed to tell me the bad news: Barnes & Noble wouldn't be carrying my new book. The one person who chose what books all six hundred-plus Barnes & Noble stores would carry had decided that mine wouldn't be one of them. “We don't do well with Shakespeare adaptations,” Barnes & Noble's book buyer said. And that was it.

My second book was saved by independent bookstores like Malaprop's. With separate book buyers at each bookstore across the country, they each made the decision about whether or not to carry my book. And most did. Independent booksellers made Something Rotten a success, and for that and everything they've done for the five books that followed, I'm eternally grateful. As thanks, and to help make sure that every book and author and reader get a chance to connect, my family and I have committed to buying our books only from independent booksellers like Malaprop's, our local indie.

So when the time came to promote my eighth book, the first in a middle-grade steampunk fantasy trilogy called The League of Seven, I wanted to find a way to not only sell books, but sell books through Malaprop's. I'd seen online retailers offer digital short stories that download free with the purchase of ebooks, and thought, why can't Malaprop's and I do the same thing with my good-old-fashioned print book and a specially-printed short story? So that's just what we're doing.

The League of Seven is the story of seven super-powered kids who use rayguns and airships and steam-powered machine men to battle giant monsters called the Mangleborn. (If your kids like Scott Westerfeld's Leviathan, Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson books, or the Justice League and the Avengers, this is right up their alley.) The trilogy is set in an alternate 1870s America where all contact with Europe was lost in 1770, forcing New England's European population to join the Iroquois League, becoming the seventh “tribe” in what becomes the United Nations of America. One of the architects of that union, Benjamin Franklin, is the star of the prequel short story I've written, called “Join, or Die.” In “Join, or Die,” Franklin battles sea serpents with the help of a young monster expert and a group of Mohawk warriors during a (greatly) re-imagined Boston Tea Party. It's lots of fun.

Malaprop's is printing up “Join, or Die” as a limited-edition chapbook that will be given away for free to anyone who pre-orders The League of Seven from Malaprop's between now and August 19th, the book's publication date. I'm really excited about this chapbook—it's being specially-printed and numbered, the binding is being hand-sewn, and it will be available exclusively through Malaprop's. And the story's pretty great too, if I do say so myself. :-)

I'll also be signing and personalizing all the pre-orders and chapbooks, which can be picked up at the store or shipped to you at home. You can pre-order your copy of The League of Seven in person at Malaprop's, online here, or by calling Malaprop's at 1-800-441-9829. I hope you'll pre-order a copy of The League of Seven and the limited-edition chapbook “Join, or Die” for a young reader in your life, and continue shopping at your local independent bookstore to ensure that every good book has a chance to find its readers!

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Me, podcasted

>> Thursday, October 10, 2013

In which I am interviewed on the Reading and Writing Podcast.

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The Lady Doctor!

>> Monday, September 9, 2013


Meet the Youth Best In Show winner from the 2013 DragonCon Masquerade contest: The Lady Doctor and her steampunk companion K-9!


Jo loves watching Doctor Who, so she designed this Lady Doctor costume for herself. There's lots more about how she made it herself over at Wendi's Shiny Happy World blog.


Jo was especially proud of the vest, which used all different brass buttons. The coat is pretty great too. You can just see the really spacey lining here, on the lapels. Her hair is dyed TARDIS blue.


I helped her with the rocket boots. She still did all the spray painting and the drilling and gluing but I was there as the technical advisor. One of her Monster High dolls has rocket-powered boots, and so Jo wanted a pair too. The silver rockets are actually upside-down plastic things you put on chair legs to keep them from sliding. We glued them on with Gorilla glue, which held surprisingly well. The boots were thrift-store finds, spray painted with a really super copper color Jo picked out.


The whole ensemble, before she went on stage in the Friday Night Costume Contest! This was a fun costume for Jo--and one she could walk around in afterward without too much trouble! She did trade the rocket boots in for a pair of red Converse high tops for roaming the hotels though...

Congrats, Jo! So proud of you!

For more pics of the steampunk K-9, and to see how I built it, check out the next post.

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Steampunk K-9


For this year's DragonCon, I built a steampunk K-9 to accompany Jo's Lady Doctor costume in the Masquerade. Together, we won Best in Show in the Youth category!

As a model, I used this tiny scale model K-9 from ThinkGeek, which I got Jo to go with the Barbie-sized TARDIS I built her. Despite being just a couple of inches long, it's all to scale, which allowed me to do the math and extrapolate a larger version.


I started by building a mock-up out of foam core. I got it mostly right from the start, but this allowed me to mess up and not waste wood. (And time!) The foam core is just held together with masking tape and straight pins. I designed it to fit on a remote controlled car base I bought, and ended up making it almost 1:1 scale with the original K-9...




Late in the process, we realized that a key would make a brilliant tail for a steampunk dog. Originally, I was just going to buy an antenna and spray paint it brass. I think the key turned out much cuter.


When I was finished, I cut all the taped joints apart and used my foam core pieces as pattern pieces. I traced them on a very thin plywood, and cut them out with a Skill saw and jigsaw.


I don't have very many pics of me actually building K-9, strangely. I love process pics, but so often I did the building later in the evening while watching TV, and the light was always terrible for taking pics. I always said, "Oh, I'll take a picture tomorrow in the good light." And then I never did. But here's me using a vise to hold together the tricky angles of the face while I screwed it together. In the back of the head, you can see the small square dowel I used in the corners to give my something to screw into besides the thin plywood.


And here's the finished product! It took me a few nights to stain him brown, but I love the result.


The TV K-9 has colorful buttons on his back. For the steampunk K-9, I used two great brass faucet knobs we found at the Home ReStore in town. I think they were maybe $2 each. The joiner pipe is actually a piece of wood dowel I spray painted brass. The keyboard (in lieu of colorful buttons) is made up of individual wooden keys. I found a person on Etsy who laser cuts them out of wood, then applies pictures of antique keys to them. They look like authentic typewriter keys, but they're fake! They're a lot lighter--and a whole lot cheaper than real typewriter keys, which go for a pretty penny on eBay.


The tail is wood, spray painted to look brass. Again, much lighter! And there was no way I was going to be able to make something like that out of real brass.


The neck is dryer tubing spray painted brass. It took the spray paint really well! And I didn't have to attach it--all I did was bend it around the head, and the angles did all the work. The collar is a brass hand towel ring with the mounting piece cut off of it. The bone tag is wood, again painted to look brass. A rule I've heard that I'm trying to live by is "looks great from six feet away." I think all this looks great close up, but it all passes muster six feet away, which is really the level of detail we want on our costumes.


The nose was a real score at the Home ReStore, which is a Habitat for Humanity store that recycles old fixtures and building materials from torn down houses and renovations and resells them. This faucet was an awesome find. Jo and I spent a very happy couple of hours rooting through the plumbing bins at the store, looking for treasures like this. I hadn't planned on putting a faucet on the nose, but it was too good to pass up--and ended up sort of making the whole thing.


We had a lot of options for K-9's ears. I almost went with another pair of faucets made of wood and brass, but these curtain rod ends won out in the end. They were just too cool looking. They're plastic--about the only plastic thing on the whole dog, except for the remote controlled car underneath him--but they look brass, and they have the added benefit of being lightweight, which was an issue on the head.


K-9's eye bars are wood, painted brass. The eye itself is of course the knob off a garden hose bib. I loved it--particularly as the original K-9's eye is a red circle. I left the maker's ring on there too. It was too awesome.


The big "K-9" on the side are wooden letters from A.C. Moore, again spray painted brass. I screwed them in from behind, so you can't see the screws. You'll see screws everywhere else though. My original plan was to cover those with "brass" trim, which was going to be a brass duct tape I found. In the end, I loved the look of him without all the brass trim. I think going without was a good call. He's already pretty blinged out as it is!


The other side had a door. This served two purposes. One was practical--it gave me a way to reach inside and attach the cotter pins to the posts that connected the K-9 unit to the remote controlled car. The second was part of the show: we put a tea cup and saucer in there, and at a certain part of Jo's performance, K-9 raced over to her and she took out the cup and pretended to pour tea from his nose! It was a real hit. This space also, coincidentally, made a nice storage area for his controller, spare battery, charger, etc.

For the curious, here's the R/C car I used as the base. It's not your cheapo mall-bought R/C car. I got this at HobbyTown USA, where they know their machines. At first, I was worried it wouldn't be strong enough to move the wood and brass K-9 I built--but I ended up having to take it in to the shop to have them help me slow it down! It's a beast of an R/C car, and it worked great.


The steampunk K-9!

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The Barbie TARDIS

>> Sunday, August 4, 2013


Meet the Barbie TARDIS!


I built this for my daughter Jo, who is eleven years old and super into Doctor Who. (As she should be.) She has dressed up one of her dolls in a Who-esque costume, and calls her the Lady Doctor. I couldn't let the Lady Doctor travel without a TARDIS of her own!


The TARDIS is made out of scrap plywood of different widths I had lying around from previous projects. The windows are a thick frosted plastic, with the casement lines drawn on with a Sharpie. They let in a soft light, which I like, and Jo likes putting electric tea candles inside and letting the windows glow from within. With both doors open, you can see inside where I glued the windows in.


The "POLICE BOX" signs at the top were found online (thanks, Who-builders!) and glued on with Spray-Mount. The blue paint was chosen by Wendi and Jo on one of their trips to Asheville--I think they nailed the TARDIS blue!


The sign on the telephone door was printed out from a larger image I found on the web. In this picture, you can also see the teeny-tiny handles I bought from woodvictoriandollhouse.com. They came in brass, so I spray-painted them black. The handles, the paint, and the hardware for the light on top were the only things I had to buy for the project.

I should also point out that though I like to call this "The Barbie TARDIS," that doll is not a Barbie. She is, in fact, a Monster High doll, which Jo much prefers. This is the Robecca Steam doll, who is steampunk-themed. The clothes, however, are homemade--they are pieces from the Project Barbie challenge Wendi and I did together years ago, when we made Barbie clothes to match the challenges on a season of Project Runway. Jo likes the colors because she feels they are very Doctor Who.


While I was building the TARDIS (which took MONTHS, much to Jo's chagrin) I saw this little K-9 advertised on ThinkGeek, and I had to get it for her!


And look--the scale is perfect! I surprised her with it (and the finished TARDIS) when she got back from sleepaway camp last month. The TARDIS itself is pretty large--about 16.5 inches tall and 8.5 inches wide. Jo likes it because her Lady Doctor can fit a lot of companions in there with her, including K-9.


I'm really pleased with the look of the signage, and the slightly mottled look the plywood took on when I painted it. It looks like a weathered and used TARDIS.


I decided to add the St. John Ambulance logo, which is on the 11th Doctor's TARDIS. Here again you can see one of the super-tiny handles.


I struggled with how to do the light at the top. I trolled the dollhouse aisles at our local hobby shops and surfed around online looking for a sort of hurricane lamp I could appropriate for a light on top, but never found anything. Then I had the idea to use a test tube--and we just so happened to have a tiny one already, which was being used to hold beads! The test tube is inserted upside-down through the three layers at the top, and held in place with a swinging hatch made out of the window plastic, so I can replace the little light bulb if and when it blows out. The light bulb was bought at a hobby shop--it's meant to light streetlamps and homes on a model train layout.


The light is strung to a 9-volt battery on the inside, and then to a little switch I acquired at Radio Shack. Because who doesn't love flipping switches!? The light switch sticks out the back corner of the TARDIS, and is pretty unobtrusive. I had dreamed of attaching a sound chip to it with the sound of the TARDIS taking off and landing, but alas, that's beyond my very limited technical abilities. As it is, the TARDIS goes "WERRRN-WERRRN-WERRRN" only when you flip the switch and say "WERRRN-WERRRN-WERRRN" at the same time.


Here's a pic of one of the unpainted panels. I used a coping saw to do the windows, and ended up using a chisel to hack out the top layer of plywood to create the panels. When my chiseling got rough, I smoothed it with wood putty, as you can see in that top right panel, then sanded it flat.


The Barbie TARDIS, exploded view, during the painting phase.


I'm thrilled with the result, and so is Jo! Allons-y, Lady Doctor!

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