The Strangest Writing Retreat I Have Ever Heard Of

Last night, I got an e-mail through Facebook from a guy who says he met me at a SCBWI Carolinas conference three years ago. He's putting together a writers retreat near Charlotte next March, and he's having trouble getting guys to come, so he's inviting me. Okay, so that's not why I want to be invited to something, but I sympathize, because I also can't get guys to come to my kidlit writing retreats.

He doesn't tell me the date, or how long it is. Also, he says it will be a "combination writing retreat/Spartan Race." He says this like I am supposed to know what "Spartan Race" means. I have no idea what a Spartan Race is, so I write back: what is the date, how long is it, and what is a Spartan Race?

He writes back that the retreat will be over a particular weekend, that there will be a craft talk on Friday night, and then "the Spartan Race Saturday morning." And in case I don't know what that is, he says, here's a link.

I follow the link. A Spartan Race is a sort of traveling Iron Man Obstacle Race, a four mile run through the mud where you do things like crawl on your stomach under barbed wire, jump over burning fires, climb greased pyramids, and get beat on by very large men with padded sticks.

Then in the evening we will probably do a first pages critique.

I wrote back to the man and told him that I was sorry, but I couldn't attend because YOU COULD NOT PAY ME TO RUN A SPARTAN RACE.

But thank you very much for the invitation.