Project Runway 5 - Episode 12 Preview

The end is nigh. Four designers remain, and Heidi has repeatedly told us that only three will officially show at Bryant Park. (Heidi wouldn't lie to us, would she? Nah.)

So last week it was Suede's turn to go, as we predicted. In fact, we predicted everything pretty perfectly from the winner down to the loser--except that if you had shown us the entire episode in advance, up until the moment before Heidi said, "Kenley.....you're in," we would have recanted. We would have said we were wrong, and told you, categorically, that Kenley was out. So while our pre-show projections were right, we didn't think the result was. In fact, we thought it was pretty abominable. How in the name of Yves St. Laurent did Kenley survive?

It was a conspiracy.

To explain: most Project Runway fans are aware of that little tag line at the end of the show that says the producers have a say in the final outcome of each episode. For those who miss it as it flies by, here it is from last week's credits:

"The judges considered both their scores and input from the Producers and Bravo in reaching their elimination decisions." (Italics ours, of course.)

That tag line, implying that the decision each week may not always be based entirely on the outfits themselves, has given Project Runway skeptics plenty of fodder over the years. Every week is born some new conspiracy theory--this designer was kept because he's better TV; that designer was aufed because she's boring; it's about the fierce, not the fashion. We watch the show and we read all the conspiracy theories, but while we sometimes disagree vehemently with the judges, we've never really bought into the idea that the producers are standing right off stage, pulling the judges' strings.

Until now.

We'll come right out and say it: Kenley was kept last week because she's better TV than Suede. There's no question. Was Suede's outfit a yawner? Yes. Did he always play it too safe? Yes. Did we think he was in too far over his head? Yes. But was his outfit really worse than Kenley's? No.

"Oops, I did it again."

And we're not the only ones to think so. As of "press time," 85% of respondents in Bravo's "Did Suede deserve to go home?" poll said no. That's more than 13,600 voters who thought Kenley should have gone home. Eighty-nine percent of voters thought Kenley should have been aufed over Suede in a similar Blogging Project Runway poll. To be sure, a lot of people probably voted against Kenley because she's more annoying than a telemarketer at dinnertime, but really--that outfit was a loser.

But Kenley is good TV--just look at how much we and everybody else are talking about her. Would we be wasting so many pixels on Suede? Probably not. And the previews for next week bear out their decision--Kenley is mixing it up on the runway all over again. Arguments! Chaos! Catwalk catfights!

But we're getting ahead of ourselves again. Before we move on though, we do want to stop and say a proper goodbye to Suede.

The importance of being earnest

Suede, we liked you. Yes, your third person monologues were tedious and pretentious and way old by the end--but the irony was, we don't think that's who you really are. We think you decided to play a character on the show--which is not always a bad thing if one wants to stick around (see conspiracy theory, above)--but there were plenty of moments the real, humble, earnest young man shined through. We hear too that you moved the crowd with your sincerity when you introduced your line as a Bryant Park decoy--even if your line wasn't very moving. And just to prove that we were right about you all along, you stepped well out of character when you put on Korto's punk outfit, and you worked it. You worked it like Austin Scarlett in a Jay McCarroll postal uniform. You brought smiles to our faces and tears to our eyes, and we'll always remember you for that. Bonne chance, Suede.

Now seriously, about that third person thing...

All right. Let's go once more to the Big Board of Shame:

Korto: 22 points (Two 1sts, two 2nds, three 3rds, one "top four," one 3rd worst, two safes)
Jerell: 16 points (Two 1sts, two 2nds, one 3rd, two 3rd worsts, four safes)
Kenley: 14 points (One 1st, three 2nds, one 3rd, one 3rd worst, one 2nd worst, four safes)
Leanne: 12 points (Two 1sts, one 2nd, one "top four," one 3rd/3rd worst, one 3rd worst, one 2nd worst, four safes)
----------------aufed-------------------
Terri: 8 points (One 2nd, two 3rds, five safes, one auf)
Joe: 6 points (One 1st, one 3rd, one "top four," one 2nd worst, five safes, one auf)
Kelli: 3 points (One 1st, three safes, one auf)
Suede: -2 points (One 1st, two 2nd worsts, one 3rd worst, six safes, one auf)
Keith: -2 points (One 1st, one 2nd worst, one 3rd worst, three safes, one auf)
Emily: -2 points (Two safes, one auf)
Wes: -3 points (One safe, one auf)
Stella: -4 points (One 3rd, two 2nd worsts, four safes, one auf)
Daniel: -4 points (One 2nd, one 2nd worst, one 3rd worst, two safes, one auf)
Jerry: -4 points (One auf)
Jennifer: -5 points (One 2nd worst, two safes, one auf)
Blayne: -6 points (One 2nd worst, two 3rd worsts, five safes, one auf)

Scoring: Win (4 pts), 2nd place (3 pts), 3rd place (2 pts), Safe (1 pt), 3rd worst (-2 pts), 2nd worst (-3 pts), Aufed (-4 pts)

Notes of interest:

- Leanne poses a problem to our neat and orderly list this week, as she's both third best and third worst, falling right in the middle of the five. We opted to give her points for both--which means she breaks even this week, no harm no foul. A push for Leanne.

- Korto continues to impress, charging hard into the final rounds as the designer to beat.

- Jerell makes the biggest move of the week, jumping up into second place.

- Suede takes a seat with negative points--behind both Terri and Joe, who went before him--where he joins the likes of Keith and Emily.

Let's go to the guesses:

SPOILER ALERT: We have no prior knowledge of who's in and who's out each week. We do, however, watch the preview videos Bravo provides, from which we try to glean clues of what's to come. Then we make guesses. If you don't like such things, please close your browser and head outside for a nature walk.

Nature calls?

This week's episode is entitled "Nature Calls." Does this mean the contestants have to go to the bathroom? Probably not--but the designers do take a field trip. We can't see much of their surroundings, but they appear to get outside Manhattan. They cross a bridge and travel someplace more industrial/strip mally than skyscrapery, but that's all we can suss out. As one of the commenters on Blogging Project Runway asks, if they wanted nature, couldn't they have just walked to Central Park?

But this season has been one episode after another of homages to previous Project Runway challenges, and we think this one is going to mirror last season's final four challenge in some way. In that episode, the designers took a memorable trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and produced some of the best runway pieces of the season. This week, we think the show will take the final four designers somewhere equally inspiring, but some place with a nature theme, as the title suggests. Some place like...the Brooklyn Botanic Garden? (A total shot in the dark. If it turns out we guessed that right, we're going out and buying a lottery ticket before our crazy-ass luck runs out.) Maybe they go the other direction, into New Jersey. It is, after all, the Garden State.

Wherever they go, the designers don't seem particularly inspired by anything green--and we mean the color, not the code word for eco-friendly. We see purples and blues and burgundies in the preview. Perhaps they use flowers as inspiration?

But the focus this episode won't be the fashion, dear friends, it'll be the drama. The American viewing public are not the only ones ready to punch Kenley in the face--the designers don't like her either. Leanne tries to make nice, but Kenley won't talk to her in the apartment --prompting Korto to taunt her for being bitchy. On the van ride to Secret Location X, Kenley has to sit up front next to the teacher (Tim) because no one else wants to sit with her. (Loser!) And then, in a delicious moment the rest of the designers clearly savor, Kenley accidentally leaves one of her shopping bags back at Mood. The other designers, surprise surprise, aren't particularly sympathetic.

Jerell's Indian name: "Talks to Produce"

Jerell, meanwhile, has begun talking to inanimate objects like Tom Hanks in Cast Away. All alone in his apartment as the only remaining male designer, he resorts to drawing faces on fruit and pretending they are aufed designers. (For the record, Joe Faris is the grapefruit and Suede appears to be a Golden Delicious apple.)

Another sign that we are nearing the apocalypse: Heidi is wearing pants when she greets the designers.

Amidst all this produce and panted insanity comes the final drama of the runway show. We don't get to see a lot--including the identity of our guest judge!--but there is much angst. Kors says, "It looks like a beauty pageant." Korto cries. Nina says, "It looks like a reptile." Jerell cries. Heidi says, "They don't look very elegant." Kenley spits hot venom at Heidi. Kors grimaces. Jerell puts the smackdown on Kenley: "I think we're going to get to you in just a second." Kenley cries. "I feel like I've been fighting my way through life," she blubbers. Nina rolls her eyes.

Still doubt that the producers pulled strings to keep Miss Contentious on the show?

And that's all we get. Much drama, but not much fashion. We hope the whole episode isn't like that. Regardless, we realize we have to pick a winner here. More importantly, we have to pick one loser.

Leanne gets down with her bad self.

Since she is the one person of the four in the preview videos who is not crying, we'll take Leanne for the win. It's about all the evidence we have. But who will join her in the final three?

What a tease.

Korto for sure. Not only has she sat atop the Big Board of Shame for three weeks straight, but rumor also has it that Tim Gunn was seen driving about Little Rock in a brand new Saturn. That can only mean a Southern-fried home visit, and a lock for Korto as a finalist.

Which means we're down to Jerell and Kenley, and, taking Heidi at her Teutonic word, we figure one of them really will have to go. We suspect it'll come down to those two in the end--and we have a sneaking suspicion it's Kenley who sticks around.

But wait, we like Jerell! He is teh funny! He's also a pretty darn good designer, and a gentleman to boot. (Please note: he did not sell out Suede last week, even though the little devil on his shoulder was practically screaming at him to do it.)

Our mantra for predictions this season was to always think with our heads, not our hearts. Our hearts got us into hot water last season, but our heads have proven to be much cooler this time around. Five or six episodes into this year and we had more correct predictions than all of last year, which meant the mantra was working. But then, as always happens, we grew to have favorites. And not-so-favorites. And whatever the antithesis of a favorite is.

In short, we kinda like Jerell, and kinda don't like Kenley. So our hearts say Jerell. But our heads, well, they think about how Kenley somehow beat out Suede last week when she should have lost. And they also think about that picture on that model Karalyn's blog--


You remember Karalyn--the lovely young lady Leanne so unceremoniously dumped last episode? She walked for Joe, and had time the day before the show to monkey around with him in the tent--and with Jerell. But if Jerell were a finalist, would he have time for that? Wouldn't he be back at Parson's, completing that wedding dress challenge Heidi and Tim throw at the designers at the eleventh hour? (Wait, now we really are getting ahead of ourselves!)

And wouldn't he be the third designer huddled together in pictures like this from behind the scenes at Bryant Park?


All this is circumstantial, as one of the well-dressed lawyers on Boston Legal would no doubt tell us. But it all begins to add up, and our head tells us that Kenley is in and Jerell is out. We'll be rooting for Jerell--there's no doubt about that. We want to be wrong. But we think we're right.

If you're playing Fafarazzi this week, you're going to get points out of lots of people for crying. The trick this time around seems to be trying to guess who gets aufed so you avoid the negative points, which means we're going with a team of Korto, Leanne, and, Gaultier help us, Kenley.

Good luck to all the designers this week, and to their fans. We'll see you on the last runway before the Bryant Park episode!