Project Runway 6 - Episode 11 Preview

A Project Runway six pack.

We're late today--we apologize. A combination of travel and last-minute grant writing. Let's get to it!

Look, can we just call mercy rule on this one already? In backyard sports, when one team is up by big points you just call mercy rule, and everybody gets to walk away without playing it out. It's like a mercy killing.

"I'm verklempt."

Season 6 has certainly been killing us. Slowly. Like poison. It's killing Tim Gunn too. You can see it in his face. You can hear it in his voice. Especially when he brings the hammer down on the designers--which he's been doing a lot lately. And with good reason. Never has there been so uninspired an Inspiration Challenge.

"I want a medium french fry, a Diet Coke, and a Filet-O-Fish swimming in mayo."

To be fair, it was kind of lame that the designers had to choose their inspiration from a set of stock photos--and had only the one random picture of each town to serve as inspiration. Could they really not come up with inspirational cities on their own? We have some more appropriate ideas for their inspiration, and random photos to match:

 

Christopher: Bemidji, Minnesota

Nicolas: Vostok Station, Antarctica

Irina: New Jersey Turnpike, New Jersey

Gordana: Sarajevo, Bosnia

Logan: Cape Disappointment, Washington

Carol Hannah: Boring, Oregon

Althea: Cincinnati, Ohio

Wouldn't this have been more fun? We dare say they would have elicited more fashionable entries too. As it was, we got a New York look for Greece, Prairie Home Companion couture, and Hollywood Mimes, along with a few other ho-hum looks that were elevated by default.

 "Can you believe this #*@%?"

And so we have to say goodbye to one of our favorites here at Gratz Industries. Nicolas may never have been America's next top designer (is anyone on this season?), but he was the most entertaining designer on the show by far in our book. Look back at bygone episodes, and you'll rarely find any other designer more genuinely enthusiastic and engaged. He was there to compete, AND to have fun, and that was refreshing. Even his exit was entertaining, though not welcome. We would much rather still have you with us, Nicolas, but we're sure you'll go on to a long and profitable career in fashion, so we're not too worried about you. And though you joked we'd never see you again, we have a sneaking suspicion that we'll be seeing you again on television in the not to distant future...

"The little blonde one. She's the herd's weak link..."

And congratulations are again in order for Irina, who takes home her third win of the season. Images of steamrollers and tsunamis come to mind at this point. Irina is winning and taking no prisoners, and this late in the game that doesn't bode well for the rest of the designers. If she were doing exciting things with a unique vision and flair, we might be ready to just call this thing already, but given the level of competition we're not sure if she's the best of the best, or just the best of the rest.

Let's break it down...

The Big Board of Shame™

Irina: 22 points (Three 1st places, One 2nd place, One 3rd place, Five safes)

Carol Hannah: 18 points (One 1st place, Two 2nd places, One 3rd place, Six safes)
Althea: 17 points (One 1st place, One 2nd place, Two 3rd places, Six safes)
Gordana: 10 points (One 1st place, One 2nd place, One 3rd place, Five safes, Two 3rd worsts)
Christopher: 2 points (One 1st place, Two 2nd places, Three safes, One 3rd worst, Three 2nd worsts)
Logan: -4 points (Six safes, Two 3rd worsts, Two 2nd worsts)

--------------aufed--------------

Shirin: 8 points (One 1st place, One 3rd place, Six safes, One Auf)

Epperson: 6 points (One 2nd place, One 3rd place, Five safes, One Auf)

Ra'mon: 3 points (One 1st place, One 2nd place, Two safes, One 3rd worst, One Auf)
Nicolas: 0 points (One 1st place, One 2nd place, Four safes, Two 3rd worsts, One 2nd worst, One Auf)
Johnny: 0 points (One 2nd place, One 3rd place, One safe, One 3rd worst, One Auf)
Louise: -1 point (One 3rd place, Four safes, One 2nd worst, One Auf)
Malvin: -3 points (One safe, One Auf)
Ari: -4 points (One Auf)
Qristyl: -8 points (One safe, One 3rd worst, One 2nd worst, One Auf)
Mitchell: -10 points (Two 2nd worsts, One Auf)

Scoring: 1st place (4 pts), 2nd place (3 pts), 3rd place (2 pts), Safe (1 pt), 3rd worst (-2 pts), 2nd worst (-3 pts), Aufed (-4 pts)

 Annotated Big Board:

- We screwed up on Logan somewhere along the way, so we've made a course correction. And not in his favor. Somehow we attributed a safe week to him along the way he didn't have, and so his score is a point lower even than we originally thought. At -4 points, with nary a top three finish, we don't see any chance of Logan making Bryant Park. Now it's just a question of how long his tight pants can keep him around...

- No change at the top of the board, as Irina keeps chugging. Carol Hannah pulls out of last week's tie with Althea, but only by a point.

- Gordana, meanwhile, continues her phoenix-like resurrection. (Perhaps we should have made Phoenix, Arizona her new inspirational town instead!) Gordana loves to wear the short-shorts and show off her legs. Does she have the legs to put herself in contention for Bryant Park? It would be the comeback story of the year.

- Christopher...oh Christopher. What more can we really say? We're not going to heap on the abuse. The track record speaks for itself. The only question now seems to be who will go off first--you, or Logan. In retrospect, perhaps we should have give you Greece as your inspiration, and found a photo of the Icarian Sea.

- And dear Nicolas, Season Six's most mercurial designer, drops back to zero. After ten weeks, he's right back where he started. We think that's an apt metaphor for Johnny, who also ended back at zero, but in the end we think Nicolas comes out in the plus column for his Project Runway experience. He does on our tally sheet, at any rate. And did we mention he may have a chance to earn more points? But we're getting ahead of ourselves. On to the disclaimer!

* * * * * * * * * * *

SPOILER ALERT: As we point out each week, we don't have any prior knowledge of what's to come, other than (usually) the guest judge, (sometimes) a vague idea about the competition, and (occasionally) whatever preview videos Lifetime chooses to air. Using all these sources of public information, we make guesses about who will be in and who will be out. Often bad guesses but, (we hope!), fun ones. If you prefer to be surprised by this week's episode, please just turn your back to the computer until we tell you it's safe to turn around again...

* * * * * * * * * * *

Back to the Future?

There are certain truisms in life. Don't spit into the wind. Don't eat yellow snow. Don't mix sleeping pills and laxatives. We would also add to the list, "Don't have your designers give us any ideas by turning their backs on this season of Project Runway." Its like naming your own book Something Rotten. You're just asking for it.

But this week Heidi does just that, making the remaining six (!) designers turn their backs on the runway for a big reveal. There has been some speculation about this over at Blogging Project Runway, and while most people think the designers will turn around to find their aufed comrades returned, we think that's premature. That Project Runway is going to bring back some of this season's eliminated designers seems probable--perhaps even inevitable. But it doesn't look like that's what's in store for us this week. Instead we're in for a different kind of blast from the past: the designers' old first episode dresses.

"Maybe if I just stand here and pretend to be ripping fabric, I can stare at Logan longer..."

Check out the dress behind Logan--it's his episode one dress. We can't think of any other reason to pull that one out of the mothballs, unless it has something to do with something Irina says in one of the previews: "You're supposed to get inspiration from your own look, not some one else's." So it would seem that this week the designers are presented with their week one efforts and told to go and better them. For some, like Logan, this shouldn't be too difficult. For others like Christopher (who won that week and hasn't won since) that will be a tall order.

 Closed captioning provided by Project Runway fans everywhere.

Meanwhile, the cattiness reaches its zenith this season as Irina and Althea--perhaps thrown together by a common disdain for the rest of the contestants--complain that Logan has ripped off a look from Althea. "I look over, and Logan's collar is the same collar that I did in the Christina Aguilera challenge," Althea tells us.

No real vultures were killed in the making of this shrug.

Perhaps that means Logan is working on a similar "Roadkill Shrug" look. We're unclear. Logan, meanwhile, is talking smack about Irina. "Irina has the nickname 'Meana-Irina.'" Ooh! Burn! I'll be that one brought her to tears. On the playground in kindergarten.

"Can't we all just get along?"

Meanwhile, back in the land of fashion, the designers still have to get those red carpet looks out. Any chance we'll see a Project Runway alum/red carpet expert this week? Nick Verreos, perhaps? We were hopeful he'd be brought in as a judge, but BPR reports that this week's guest judge is Kerry Washington. The same Entertainment Weekly source for the report says we'll see a former Project Runway contestant though, so perhaps Uncle Nick will appear to deliver the challenge and then act as a workroom adviser the way Chris March did in the drag queen challenge from Season Five.

Inspired by Heidi? The gals love them some short dresses

So who's in and who's out? Well, we're down to six, so that means there's no more hiding for anyone. No one is safe. (Sort of the way the fans feel at home too, I suppose.) Now we'll find out whether mediocre is good enough for Bryant Park.

A hunka hunka burning shame.

We have now officially predicted Logan's demise three times--and each time we've been wrong. Considering all the evidence, you can't really blame us, can you? In fact, let's just make it official: with just two elimination episodes left before the finale, we're announcing our standing prediction that Logan is aufed each and every week. He's our first choice. Always. Any time we're wrong, we just get to carry the prediction over to the following week. It's like rollover minutes.

Dare we make Logan our official, stand-alone pick this week as well? Not so fast, my friends. Take a look:

Captain Shiny Pants to the rescue!

No! Not the Shiny Pants! Curses, Logan! Now you dare us--again!--to contradict the power of the shiny pants and call you auf. We're tempted. Sorely tempted. But let's talk about the other usual suspects first, and see where that leaves you.

Keep smiling...keep smiling...keep ::sob:: oh damn!

Christopher's rocket-like ascent into the stratosphere has only been matched by the fiery deathball of his re-entry. If Logan gets a standing auf prediction, Christopher can't be too far behind. But Christopher has actually hit the top three a few times, and so makes us hesitate. He's also being asked to redo a challenge he won the first time around. Advantage Christopher, or does winning before make it impossible to top? We can hear you scoffing at us now, but we're going to say he pulls this one out. Maybe not with a win, but a top three finish. (Again, by default, as there are only six designers remaining.)

Is this Gordana looking at the other contestant close to being aufed?

Gordana's been on the upswing of late, but we're dubious. Her dress the first week was awkward. Will it prove inspirational, or point her in the wrong direction? We see a bottom three finish for the comeback kid, ending her streak. But how low will she go? Could Gordana possibly go home before Logan or Christopher?

Is this pic from tonight's episode, or next week's?

We'll put Althea and Irina in the top three again, again almost by default. By all rights, Carol Hannah should join them there, but she seems to be having trouble this episode. When the challenge is delivered, she tells us, "I don't want to do this!" Later, in the workroom, she tells Tim, "I think it's a big scary mess." Tim's indefatigable reply: "You're not going to get an argument from me." Her fabric choices (see earlier pic, where she's staring at Logan) don't seem to jive with the brown dress she created in the first challenge, either. Color doesn't have to be the only inspirational thing about the earlier dresses, for sure, but perhaps the two dresses' dissimilarity is what prompts the catty Irina comment that inspiration was supposed to be taken from your dress, not someone else's.

 

 Carol Hannah is looking like she was rode hard and put up wet.

Is this Carol Hannah's Waterloo? Could she possibly screw up bad enough to go home before Logan or Christopher, or even Gordana? As that great Sicilian designer Fezzini would say, "Inconceivable." Now, Fezzini wasn't noted for always being right, but we just can't imagine she slips up that badly.

"I'd be perfect if I wasn't so humble."

We're dithering. Your winner this week: Irina. Why not? Can anyone beat her at this point? And that dress there is looking interesting, which in this season of "Project I Don't Mind It" makes it a winner. Althea comes in second, and Christopher gets a pat on the back for managing to do something not too awful after winning the first time around.

His faith in the power of the shiny pants was shattered that day...

Auf this week: Logan. Yes, damn it, we're making him our official prediction this week, Shiny Pants be damned. At some point we have to be right, don't we? (Don't we!?) In one of the previews, Heidi tells someone on Logan's side of the runway, "We did tell you to turn up the volume, but this exploded." That has to be Logan. The volume on his work has always been set to around 2 out of 10, and this week he cranks it up to 11--in a bad way. Standing with him sweating it out: Gordana. Sent off after a scolding: Carol Hannah, who lives to apply lots of eye make-up another day.

If we're right, and Logan is gone this week, we don't think we'll see him again. If it's anyone else, however, we think the chances are good they'll show up in next week's episode like Casper the Friendly Ghost. It's been done before: in Season Three, eliminated designers who had each won first place at some point in the competition were brought back and allowed to compete, but could only make it to Bryant Park if they won that week's challenge. Will we see the same stunt pulled here? That would mean three designers: Nicolas, Shirin, and Ra'mon--plus any of the remaining designers this week (besides Logan) who might get sent home. Why are we so sure?

We've been sitting on these pictures since week seven, when they were posted to the Lifetime photo galleries for Episode Six. Since we don't remember seeing Nicolas and Celine (who, it makes sense, would be brought back as his model) with this outfit before or since, we have to think we're going to see it next week. Or is this something Celine always wears, and this was just a make-up consultation before Nicolas was finished with her dress? We've seen that hat before--it's Celine's, and she wears it around when the models go on the town. Are we wrong here? Is this something that happened before, or is this a spoiler photo? We're still not sure. Thoughts? Opinions? Proof? Drop us a postcard and let us know if you've got something on this. In the meantime, we'll be watching to see if Logan's shiny pants bail him out one last time...

See you in seven.

______________________________________

Gratz Industries: We watch the previews twenty times so you don't have to!

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Bad Buddha

Stumbled upon this scene on the dining room table. Jo said the Buddha did something bad.

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Anne of Japan

I've been reading Anne of Green Gables aloud to Jo (and Wendi) for the past month, and we're all having a blast. None of us had ever read L.M. Montgomery's classic about stodgy old Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert,  who are mistakenly sent a red-haired, talkative, and radiant orphan girl instead of the boy they thought they were getting. I was the only one of us with any expectations going in to reading this, having read some selected passages in preparing to use Anne in a cameo role in my new Fantasy Baseball novel. But we're all having a more terrific time than we could have anticipated. Jo in particular has really fallen in love with the characters, immediately insisting we create Anne, Marilla, and Matthew as Mii characters on the Wii.

 

Curiously, Anne is super-popular in Japan too. I first learned of this through Wikipedia, which mentioned that the Green Gables farmhouse that inspired the one in the books is visited by many Japanese tourists--some of whom come with their hair dyed red, and some of whom choose to get married there. Then, this week, Mental Floss blogged more about Anne's impact on Japan:

Anne is huge in Japan. Like Harry Potter huge. Anne of Green Gables was translated into Japanese by a respected and well-known Japanese author; in 1952, when Japanese officials were looking for translations of enriching, inspirational Western literature to teach in schools, Anne became part of the Japanese curriculum. Japan fell head over heels for Anne, finding her red hair exotic, her hardworking attitude and kind nature endearing, and her story of winning over the town inspirational.

Anne has become an entrenched part of Japanese culture: There is an Anne Academy, a nursing school nicknamed the “Green Gables School of Nursing,” and several national fan clubs. People get married in Anne-themed weddings, thousands of Japanese tourists visit Prince Edward Island each year, and surveys still consistently find that the book is the most favorite of young women across Japan. In 2008, Canada and Japan created anime-style Anne stamps featuring characters from the book. The stamps were so popular in Japan that they sold 10 million of the 15 million run in the first month of their release.

The stamps:

How wild that L.M. Montgomery's story of an imaginative little farm girl and her world could have such an impact on a another culture half-way around the world! We're certainly fans too in our little part of the world. Perhaps we'll plan a trip to Prince Edward Island as well. I'm sure Jo wouldn't mind dying her hair red for the occasion...

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Me, Circa 1988

 I've been going through stacks of old photos, trying to decide what to put in albums and what to throw out, and I ran across this keeper from my summer at the Tennessee Governor's School for the Humanities, between my sophomore and junior years. Ah, to be young again...and have hair.

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Feelin' Crafty

I woke up one day last week with a hankering to make a doll. I spent the next few days clearing off enough space at my work table to at least lay out a small amount of fabric, and yesterday I got down to it. And here are the results. I still need to do some tweaking to the pattern. Jo liked the knee joints because it made the doll sit nicer, but she gave a thumbs-down to the elbow joints, so those will go in the next version.

The original version also didn't have a removable skirt - it was just part of her body. See?

But Jo thought it her skirt should "be more floofy." That was, of course, accompanied by hand gestures showing how her skirt should flare out more. So I added a simple little elastic-waist skirt that can be removed. Also fun is that I can make a million extra skirts and Jo can change her look at will. I think I also want to make a little cloche hat and a scarf for her - just for fun.

So, version two coming today. . .

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A New Eugenides Book by Megan Whalen Turner!

First the good news: I just found out that Megan Whalen Turner has a new book coming! A new Gen book! Called Conspiracy of Kings! Happiness and joy!

Now the bad news: But it doesn't come out until March 23rd. Eagerness and anticipation, but also sadness and gnashing of teeth. Five months! Maybe someone will take pity on me and send an ARC.

Maybe while I wait I'll reread the first three books in the series - The Thief, The Queen of Attolia (my favorite!), and The King of Attolia. And maybe I'll reread Trickster's Choice too - Ali is just as clever in the ways of trickery and espionage as Gen, and I love her snarky voice.

Five months is a long time. . .

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Project Runway 6 - Episode 10 Preview

Seventh heaven?

It's a special Project Runway Pants Party this week--which makes about as much sense to us as it does to you. (That is to say, not a lot.) But we'll get to the pants a little later. First, though we're not excited about it, we're contractually obligated to talk about last week's episode.

"I think this will look fabulous on Sasha Cohen, Nicolas. Wait--wrong season."

Honestly. Bob Mackie? Christina Aguilera? And that's what the designers ran out there? Half of the dresses sent down the runway were gowns--and completely impractical for the kind of shimmying Xtina likes to do on stage. Of the remaining four, only Nicolas' looked appropriately showy, and none of them went big. This wasn't just a starlet challenge, kiddies. It was a Bob Mackie challenge. Have you seen his stuff?

"Considering who your client is, I'm going to recommend just going with the top."

Oh wait. Yes, they have. Project Runway showed the designers a collection of Bob Mackie work. Maybe that was the problem. Some of the Mackie dresses they showed them were full-length gowns. But that wasn't part of the brief this week. The brief was, "Make Christina Aguilera a costume for a stage concert." News flash, designers: Christina Aguilera is not a torch-song singer who's going to be rolling around on a piano.

"First it's Molly Ringwald, then--reveal!--
it's "Like a Virgin"-Madonna singing a Cyndi Lauper song!"

Of the designs that actually seemed workable on stage, Christopher's felt like a retread, Logan's looked like Betty Rubble, Irina's looked like a Frederick's of Hollywood nightie, and Nicolas' didn't go far enough. We felt pretty sure the judges were going to slam the remaining four designers for delivering red carpet looks (for lack of a better description) instead of show-stopping jiggle-suits, but no--two of the three top designs were gowns. Shows you what we know.

"I'm going to suggest you add feathers to this to make it...well, less boring."

So congratulations are due to Carol Hannah, who walks away with a first place finish at long last. We've criticized CH a bit for being relatively safe all season, and now she has a first place win to prove us wrong. Still, we cant help but feel a little unconvinced. We're still not sure how this was more appropriate to the challenge than Nicolas' dress, and regardless, we're definitely not feeling the wow here. Maybe she's too distracted from working so close to Logan? Ah, well, that shouldn't be a problem for too much longer. But we're getting ahead of ourselves...

"Her next tour can be called 'Bewitched!"

We also have to say goodbye to Shirin, the plucky little gal who could. Until recently. Though she hit the top three in the previous week, these last two challenges depleted her seemingly inexhaustible joie de vivre, and that spelled the end. Shirin just had nothing to bring to the table for this one, and she knew it. For so young a designer, Shirin's real strength seems to be her level of sophistication--and her Project Runway fatigue plus a challenge that called for her to throw sophistication to the wind proved to be her undoing. More than a few bloggers have cried that Christopher's not-so-hot pants should have gone home over this one, but as much as we'd like to still have Shirin around, we find it pretty hard to argue with the decision. Hasta la vista, Shirin--the workroom and the runway will be more dour for your departure.

"Designers...designers? Where did everyone go?"

And then there were seven! Only Althea, Carol Hannah, Christopher, Gordana, Irina, Logan, and Nicolas remain. What are their chances of making Bryant Park? More importantly, where, oh where, do they stand on the Big Board of Shame™?

Irina: 18 points (Two 1st places, One 2nd place, One 3rd place, Five safes)
Carol Hannah: 16 points (One 1st place, Two 2nd places, Six safes)
Althea: 16 points (One 1st place, One 2nd place, Two 3rd places, Five safes)
Gordana: 7 points (One 1st place, One 3rd place, Five safes, Two 3rd worsts)
Christopher: 5 points (One 1st place, Two 2nd places, Three safes, One 3rd worst, Two 2nd worsts)
Nicolas: 4 points (One 1st place, One 2nd place, Four safes, Two 3rd worsts, One 2nd worst)
Logan: -1 points (Seven safes, One 3rd worst, Two 2nd worsts)

--------------aufed--------------

Shirin: 8 points (One 1st place, One 3rd place, Six safes, One Auf)

Epperson: 6 points (One 2nd place, One 3rd place, Five safes, One Auf)

Ra'mon: 3 points (One 1st place, One 2nd place, Two safes, One 3rd worst, One Auf)
Johnny: 0 points (One 2nd place, One 3rd place, One safe, One 3rd worst, One Auf)
Louise: -1 point (One 3rd place, Four safes, One 2nd worst, One Auf)
Malvin: -3 points (One safe, One Auf)
Ari: -4 points (One Auf)
Qristyl: -8 points (One safe, One 3rd worst, One 2nd worst, One Auf)
Mitchell: -10 points (Two 2nd worsts, One Auf)

Scoring: 1st place (4 pts), 2nd place (3 pts), 3rd place (2 pts), Safe (1 pt), 3rd worst (-2 pts), 2nd worst (-3 pts), Aufed (-4 pts)

 And this week...a graph!

How high tech are we? Yes, you're looking at some awesome Microsoft Word technology here. We'll give you a moment to catch your breath, then we'll make a few observations.

Annotated Big Board PLUS Graph:

- How the mighty hath fallen! Check out Christopher's steady ascendancy from his week one win to his two second place finishes in a row in weeks five and six--and then his steady fall with three bottom three finishes in a row.

- As of week nine, there is Irina, Carol Hannah, and Althea, and there is everybody else. Each of the top three designers has more than double the points of their nearest competition--Gordana. (!)

- Gordana's upswing benefited greatly this week from her immunity. She would undoubtedly have been in the bottom three--perhaps the bottom two--without it. As it is, her immunity plus Christopher's bottom two finish lets her pull ahead to become the leader of the losers.

- While they've both been pretty dismal at times, both Gordana and Nicolas are on an uptick.

- Nicolas, however, despite his first place finish and his two second place finishes, has never had more than four points total at any time during the competition.

- The same can be said of Logan (no more than four points at any time) without the top three finishes. In fact, not only is Logan the only designer left not to hit the top three, he's the only designer remaining who has not had a first place win.

- Nicolas are Logan the only remaining designers to have hit negative numbers before being sent auf, thus completely ruining the aesthetics of our marvelous graph. Nicolas has also owned zero points twice.

Will any of the big three fall from grace? Can Christopher correct his downward spiral? Can Nicolas or Gordana make good on their resurgences? With only seven designers left, will Logan finally be able to crack the top three? Put on your pajama pants and settle in, kids. It's time to answer all...

* * * * * * * * * * *

SPOILER ALERT: As we point out each week, we don't have any prior knowledge of what's to come, other than (usually) the guest judge, (sometimes) a vague idea about the competition, and (occasionally) whatever preview videos Lifetime chooses to air. Using all these sources of public information, we make guesses about who will be in and who will be out. Often bad guesses but, (we hope!), fun ones. If you prefer to be surprised by this week's episode, why don't you take your pants off and relax?

* * * * * * * * * * *

"They all had a motive, but which one of them stole the pants?"

We have pants on the brain this week, fellow PR fans. Not literally, of course--this isn't a wardrobe refashion challenge gone wrong. But we have a sneaking suspicion this week will be all about the trousers. First the big-news-that-shouldn't-really-be-big-news: the gang's all here! Yes, for the first time this season since week one, we'll have Heidi, Michael, and Nina together in the judges' chairs. Seriously. The first time since week one. Let's hope the producers correct whatever scheduling problems were responsible for this years's judging debacle by next season. Not only are we missing out on the entertainment value they bring together, we also believe that the designers do better with consistent judging. The threat of "don't bore Nina" has made many a designer get his or her act together, and we've seen before how some designers have learned from--and grown under--consistent commentary from all three.

 Somebody get this girl some pants.

Sitting in with the big three this week is Milla Jovovich, she of The Fifth Element and Resident Evil fame. Wikipedia describes her as a model, actress, musician, and fashion designer. We'll leave it up to you to decide which among those is most loosely applied. As for the fashion designer claim, there is actual evidence: for five years, she and model Carmen Hawk ran Jovovich-Hawk, a fashion label with clothes sold at Fred Segal and in 50 stores around the world, with an annual turnover of $21 million. For reals. They also won industry acclaim, and designed a line for Target. The company ceased operations in mid-2008 though when the two principles decided the business end overwhelmed the creative end for them. We suppose making ass-loads of money sucks when you have to actually work for it, but we wouldn't know.

 This place sells pants for $500 a pair.

This week the designers go on another field trip--this time to the Michael Kors boutique on Rodeo Drive. There he delivers unto them a "secret challenge," according to the previews. A secret to whom? Nina and Heidi? Tim? Us? The designers themselves? We suppose this is just the preview's way of telling us "we're not going to tell you the challenge in advance like last time."

 

No, it' not Leanne Marshall's spring collection--
it's Michael Kors' Spring/Summer 2010 line.

Kors has had designers out to his New York studio before, but this time we think it's going to have something to do with one of his lines. The "Michael by Michael Kors" is more ready to wear, and in the previews, the designers look like they're using separates, and all with a similar color palette to Kors' Spring/Summer 2010 line. We're not sure that date jives with the filming of the show though--it would have been a full year in advance, and what little we know about how these things are done makes us think that lines are put together a little more last minute than that. We also know the episode's title is "Around the World in Two Days." Does the challenge have to do with clothes you can travel in? We'll have to wait and see.

"I can beat the pants off all these amateurs, Althea. Including you."

What we do know it has to do with is pants. Irina's making them...

Nicolas is making them (with pockets!)...

 

Logan is making them (in white!?)...

 

And Althea's making pants. (That's her dress form beyond Irina.)

So, by our count, four of the seven remaining designers are making pants. Let's think about pants for a moment. (And no, we don't mean Logan's shiny pants.) With rare exceptions, Project Runway designers almost uniformly abhor making pants. (We can think of Terri and Chris March, off hand, as two previous PR contestants who have stated or shown they are not afraid of making pants. Others? Anyone?) Dresses are so much easier--and don't usually warrant "That crotch is insane!" kind of comments.

Of the other designers, we never see what Carol Hannah is working on, and this is all we see of Gordana's...

...which could either be the top of a dress, or a halter top worn with pants. And what of Christopher?

 

That's Christopher, Matar, and his dress form back there behind Gordana. Clearly, NO pants. We do not think this bodes well for Christopher. Really, why would more than half the designers be making pants if they didn't have to? Did four of them simultaneously decide, "This week, I'm making pants!" only to discover three of their fellow designers had made the same decision? We doubt it. Is the challenge to create a "missing look" for one of Michael's line, as was done in a previous season with Diane von Furstenberg, and everyone decided what Michael's line really needed was more pants? Are they merely using his design board and colors to create a summer look? But then, why does summer mean pants?

 Dare to be pantsless.

In both the previews we have, Tim tells a designer, "If she pushes you back, you push her right back." The problem is, in one video it's implied he's telling it to Logan; in the other, he's telling it to Christopher. It's also implied that this comment is about Irina, as both previews try very hard to play up her bitchiness. We think Tim is talking to Christopher, and that perhaps it has something to do with the fact that he's not making pants while everyone else is. We also think it's not about Irina, but about Nina, who has heaped the abuse on Christopher of late. Of course, Logan's been on the receiving end of her trouser spankings too...

 

 "Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots!?"

We're pretty sure this is a ready-to-wear separates challenge in any case, as almost everyone we can get a full look at is working on at least two pieces. We think the challenge might even be three separates. Irina's separates appear to be overkill, and may warrant the runway comment from Milla that "it's too much," particularly if she adds what looks like the coat in the back left here:

The judges' most damning comments are delivered to whoever is standing on the left. Heidi tells someone: "It was just ugly." Michael says to someone, "I see where you were going, but you didn't go far enough." And who is standing on the left side of the stage?

 What did they do, all decide to wear black and gray together in honor of Michael?

Logan and Gordana. Nicolas is over there too, but he tells us in one of the previews he's having "a little mental breakdown," so we're going to go with the old misdirection thing on that comment.We think the "it's ugly" comment is for Logan, and a Nina comment to that side of the stage that "it's just basic clothes" is directed at Gordana. That's two of the bottom three. As for the third Suckateer?

Don't cry for me, Minnesota.

Well, Christopher is crying again, so that's not a good sign. He also didn't send pants down the runway, which seems to be a mistake when everyone else is doing pants.

"Hmm. That's interesting criticism, Michael. Stupid and wrong, but interesting."

Irina looks as though she's getting a bit of criticism. We think the best she'll do this week is third place, and the worst is third worst. She's putting together a lot of look in those pictures. It's probably too much to earn a top two spot, but not bad enough to land her in the bottom two. We're torn here. We keep calling her for a bottom three finish, but she keeps, well, not landing in the bottom three.

Slack-er.

Nicolas is also up there for the judging...

 

"I am seriously freaking out here."

...as is Gordana. They've both been on the upswing of late, but neither has shown the potential to knock our pants off.  So to speak.

So where do we stand? We think Logan, Christopher, and Gordana will be in the bottom. Gordana will be sent off as third worst, while Christopher and Logan sweat it out again. Which of them will go home? Well, it all comes down to pants. Logan's pants. He's not wearing The Shiny Pants this week, so we think he's the one who'll get pantsed by the judges. Yes, we've called his aufing before, and we were wrong--but we're not going to start second-guessing ourselves. This is the last strut for David Dust's Captain Shiny Pants.

There are seven designers left, and usually only six get called out for judging. Will they judge everyone, or send off one safe designer? If they send off a safe designer, why not make it Carol Hannah? After Logan, she's been safe the most times--six out of nine episodes. We're back to picking on CH--it's back to mediocre for her this week.

Our designers may put their pants on one leg at a time, but only three of them will make the top: Nicolas, Irina, and Althea. For reasons we've already discussed, we think Irina will place no higher than third, and she'll be really pissy about it. That puts the pants on fire award this week down to Nicolas and Althea, whose outfits will be strikingly similar this week. (Gray pants and white blouses--although Althea's has ruffles!) This week's brief seems right up Althea's alley, so that's where we're going: Althea wears the pants in this challenge.

Vive la pants!

 Whooooooooo lives in a pineapple under the sea!?

See you in seven.

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Gratz Industries: We watch the previews twenty times so you don't have to!

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