Project Runway 5 - Episode 12 Preview

The end is nigh. Four designers remain, and Heidi has repeatedly told us that only three will officially show at Bryant Park. (Heidi wouldn't lie to us, would she? Nah.)

So last week it was Suede's turn to go, as we predicted. In fact, we predicted everything pretty perfectly from the winner down to the loser--except that if you had shown us the entire episode in advance, up until the moment before Heidi said, "Kenley.....you're in," we would have recanted. We would have said we were wrong, and told you, categorically, that Kenley was out. So while our pre-show projections were right, we didn't think the result was. In fact, we thought it was pretty abominable. How in the name of Yves St. Laurent did Kenley survive?

It was a conspiracy.

To explain: most Project Runway fans are aware of that little tag line at the end of the show that says the producers have a say in the final outcome of each episode. For those who miss it as it flies by, here it is from last week's credits:

"The judges considered both their scores and input from the Producers and Bravo in reaching their elimination decisions." (Italics ours, of course.)

That tag line, implying that the decision each week may not always be based entirely on the outfits themselves, has given Project Runway skeptics plenty of fodder over the years. Every week is born some new conspiracy theory--this designer was kept because he's better TV; that designer was aufed because she's boring; it's about the fierce, not the fashion. We watch the show and we read all the conspiracy theories, but while we sometimes disagree vehemently with the judges, we've never really bought into the idea that the producers are standing right off stage, pulling the judges' strings.

Until now.

We'll come right out and say it: Kenley was kept last week because she's better TV than Suede. There's no question. Was Suede's outfit a yawner? Yes. Did he always play it too safe? Yes. Did we think he was in too far over his head? Yes. But was his outfit really worse than Kenley's? No.

"Oops, I did it again."

And we're not the only ones to think so. As of "press time," 85% of respondents in Bravo's "Did Suede deserve to go home?" poll said no. That's more than 13,600 voters who thought Kenley should have gone home. Eighty-nine percent of voters thought Kenley should have been aufed over Suede in a similar Blogging Project Runway poll. To be sure, a lot of people probably voted against Kenley because she's more annoying than a telemarketer at dinnertime, but really--that outfit was a loser.

But Kenley is good TV--just look at how much we and everybody else are talking about her. Would we be wasting so many pixels on Suede? Probably not. And the previews for next week bear out their decision--Kenley is mixing it up on the runway all over again. Arguments! Chaos! Catwalk catfights!

But we're getting ahead of ourselves again. Before we move on though, we do want to stop and say a proper goodbye to Suede.

The importance of being earnest

Suede, we liked you. Yes, your third person monologues were tedious and pretentious and way old by the end--but the irony was, we don't think that's who you really are. We think you decided to play a character on the show--which is not always a bad thing if one wants to stick around (see conspiracy theory, above)--but there were plenty of moments the real, humble, earnest young man shined through. We hear too that you moved the crowd with your sincerity when you introduced your line as a Bryant Park decoy--even if your line wasn't very moving. And just to prove that we were right about you all along, you stepped well out of character when you put on Korto's punk outfit, and you worked it. You worked it like Austin Scarlett in a Jay McCarroll postal uniform. You brought smiles to our faces and tears to our eyes, and we'll always remember you for that. Bonne chance, Suede.

Now seriously, about that third person thing...

All right. Let's go once more to the Big Board of Shame:

Korto: 22 points (Two 1sts, two 2nds, three 3rds, one "top four," one 3rd worst, two safes)
Jerell: 16 points (Two 1sts, two 2nds, one 3rd, two 3rd worsts, four safes)
Kenley: 14 points (One 1st, three 2nds, one 3rd, one 3rd worst, one 2nd worst, four safes)
Leanne: 12 points (Two 1sts, one 2nd, one "top four," one 3rd/3rd worst, one 3rd worst, one 2nd worst, four safes)
----------------aufed-------------------
Terri: 8 points (One 2nd, two 3rds, five safes, one auf)
Joe: 6 points (One 1st, one 3rd, one "top four," one 2nd worst, five safes, one auf)
Kelli: 3 points (One 1st, three safes, one auf)
Suede: -2 points (One 1st, two 2nd worsts, one 3rd worst, six safes, one auf)
Keith: -2 points (One 1st, one 2nd worst, one 3rd worst, three safes, one auf)
Emily: -2 points (Two safes, one auf)
Wes: -3 points (One safe, one auf)
Stella: -4 points (One 3rd, two 2nd worsts, four safes, one auf)
Daniel: -4 points (One 2nd, one 2nd worst, one 3rd worst, two safes, one auf)
Jerry: -4 points (One auf)
Jennifer: -5 points (One 2nd worst, two safes, one auf)
Blayne: -6 points (One 2nd worst, two 3rd worsts, five safes, one auf)

Scoring: Win (4 pts), 2nd place (3 pts), 3rd place (2 pts), Safe (1 pt), 3rd worst (-2 pts), 2nd worst (-3 pts), Aufed (-4 pts)

Notes of interest:

- Leanne poses a problem to our neat and orderly list this week, as she's both third best and third worst, falling right in the middle of the five. We opted to give her points for both--which means she breaks even this week, no harm no foul. A push for Leanne.

- Korto continues to impress, charging hard into the final rounds as the designer to beat.

- Jerell makes the biggest move of the week, jumping up into second place.

- Suede takes a seat with negative points--behind both Terri and Joe, who went before him--where he joins the likes of Keith and Emily.

Let's go to the guesses:

SPOILER ALERT: We have no prior knowledge of who's in and who's out each week. We do, however, watch the preview videos Bravo provides, from which we try to glean clues of what's to come. Then we make guesses. If you don't like such things, please close your browser and head outside for a nature walk.

Nature calls?

This week's episode is entitled "Nature Calls." Does this mean the contestants have to go to the bathroom? Probably not--but the designers do take a field trip. We can't see much of their surroundings, but they appear to get outside Manhattan. They cross a bridge and travel someplace more industrial/strip mally than skyscrapery, but that's all we can suss out. As one of the commenters on Blogging Project Runway asks, if they wanted nature, couldn't they have just walked to Central Park?

But this season has been one episode after another of homages to previous Project Runway challenges, and we think this one is going to mirror last season's final four challenge in some way. In that episode, the designers took a memorable trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and produced some of the best runway pieces of the season. This week, we think the show will take the final four designers somewhere equally inspiring, but some place with a nature theme, as the title suggests. Some place like...the Brooklyn Botanic Garden? (A total shot in the dark. If it turns out we guessed that right, we're going out and buying a lottery ticket before our crazy-ass luck runs out.) Maybe they go the other direction, into New Jersey. It is, after all, the Garden State.

Wherever they go, the designers don't seem particularly inspired by anything green--and we mean the color, not the code word for eco-friendly. We see purples and blues and burgundies in the preview. Perhaps they use flowers as inspiration?

But the focus this episode won't be the fashion, dear friends, it'll be the drama. The American viewing public are not the only ones ready to punch Kenley in the face--the designers don't like her either. Leanne tries to make nice, but Kenley won't talk to her in the apartment --prompting Korto to taunt her for being bitchy. On the van ride to Secret Location X, Kenley has to sit up front next to the teacher (Tim) because no one else wants to sit with her. (Loser!) And then, in a delicious moment the rest of the designers clearly savor, Kenley accidentally leaves one of her shopping bags back at Mood. The other designers, surprise surprise, aren't particularly sympathetic.

Jerell's Indian name: "Talks to Produce"

Jerell, meanwhile, has begun talking to inanimate objects like Tom Hanks in Cast Away. All alone in his apartment as the only remaining male designer, he resorts to drawing faces on fruit and pretending they are aufed designers. (For the record, Joe Faris is the grapefruit and Suede appears to be a Golden Delicious apple.)

Another sign that we are nearing the apocalypse: Heidi is wearing pants when she greets the designers.

Amidst all this produce and panted insanity comes the final drama of the runway show. We don't get to see a lot--including the identity of our guest judge!--but there is much angst. Kors says, "It looks like a beauty pageant." Korto cries. Nina says, "It looks like a reptile." Jerell cries. Heidi says, "They don't look very elegant." Kenley spits hot venom at Heidi. Kors grimaces. Jerell puts the smackdown on Kenley: "I think we're going to get to you in just a second." Kenley cries. "I feel like I've been fighting my way through life," she blubbers. Nina rolls her eyes.

Still doubt that the producers pulled strings to keep Miss Contentious on the show?

And that's all we get. Much drama, but not much fashion. We hope the whole episode isn't like that. Regardless, we realize we have to pick a winner here. More importantly, we have to pick one loser.

Leanne gets down with her bad self.

Since she is the one person of the four in the preview videos who is not crying, we'll take Leanne for the win. It's about all the evidence we have. But who will join her in the final three?

What a tease.

Korto for sure. Not only has she sat atop the Big Board of Shame for three weeks straight, but rumor also has it that Tim Gunn was seen driving about Little Rock in a brand new Saturn. That can only mean a Southern-fried home visit, and a lock for Korto as a finalist.

Which means we're down to Jerell and Kenley, and, taking Heidi at her Teutonic word, we figure one of them really will have to go. We suspect it'll come down to those two in the end--and we have a sneaking suspicion it's Kenley who sticks around.

But wait, we like Jerell! He is teh funny! He's also a pretty darn good designer, and a gentleman to boot. (Please note: he did not sell out Suede last week, even though the little devil on his shoulder was practically screaming at him to do it.)

Our mantra for predictions this season was to always think with our heads, not our hearts. Our hearts got us into hot water last season, but our heads have proven to be much cooler this time around. Five or six episodes into this year and we had more correct predictions than all of last year, which meant the mantra was working. But then, as always happens, we grew to have favorites. And not-so-favorites. And whatever the antithesis of a favorite is.

In short, we kinda like Jerell, and kinda don't like Kenley. So our hearts say Jerell. But our heads, well, they think about how Kenley somehow beat out Suede last week when she should have lost. And they also think about that picture on that model Karalyn's blog--


You remember Karalyn--the lovely young lady Leanne so unceremoniously dumped last episode? She walked for Joe, and had time the day before the show to monkey around with him in the tent--and with Jerell. But if Jerell were a finalist, would he have time for that? Wouldn't he be back at Parson's, completing that wedding dress challenge Heidi and Tim throw at the designers at the eleventh hour? (Wait, now we really are getting ahead of ourselves!)

And wouldn't he be the third designer huddled together in pictures like this from behind the scenes at Bryant Park?


All this is circumstantial, as one of the well-dressed lawyers on Boston Legal would no doubt tell us. But it all begins to add up, and our head tells us that Kenley is in and Jerell is out. We'll be rooting for Jerell--there's no doubt about that. We want to be wrong. But we think we're right.

If you're playing Fafarazzi this week, you're going to get points out of lots of people for crying. The trick this time around seems to be trying to guess who gets aufed so you avoid the negative points, which means we're going with a team of Korto, Leanne, and, Gaultier help us, Kenley.

Good luck to all the designers this week, and to their fans. We'll see you on the last runway before the Bryant Park episode!

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Celebrating Banned Books

September 27th through October 4th is the American Library Association's "Banned Books Week," in which they celebrate those titles that receive the most challenges from people who think they know what's best for everybody else.

Sayeth the ALA:

Banned Books Week celebrates the freedom to choose or the freedom to express one’s opinion even if that opinion might be considered unorthodox or unpopular and stresses the importance of ensuring the availability of those unorthodox or unpopular viewpoints to all who wish to read them. After all, intellectual freedom can exist only where these two essential conditions are met.

Hear, hear! Here are the top ten most challenged books of 2007:

1) And Tango Makes Three, by Justin Richardson/Peter Parnell
Reasons: Anti-Ethnic, Sexism, Homosexuality, Anti-Family, Religious Viewpoint, Unsuited to Age Group

2) The Chocolate War, by Robert Cormier
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Violence

3) Olive’s Ocean, by Kevin Henkes
Reasons: Sexually Explicit and Offensive Language

4) The Golden Compass, by Philip Pullman
Reasons: Religious Viewpoint

5) The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain
Reasons: Racism

6) The Color Purple, by Alice Walker
Reasons: Homosexuality, Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language,

7) TTYL, by Lauren Myracle
Reasons: Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

8) I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, by Maya Angelou
Reasons: Sexually Explicit

9) It’s Perfectly Normal, by Robie Harris
Reasons: Sex Education, Sexually Explicit

10) The Perks of Being A Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky
Reasons: Homosexuality, Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group

Off the list this year, are two books by author Toni Morrison. The Bluest Eye and Beloved, both challenged for sexual content and offensive language.

And hey, Lauren Myracle is a friend of mine. Congrats for making the top ten, Lauren! I think this is the second year in a row for her. She also made the top ten most challenged authors list for 2007:

1) Robert Cormier
2) Peter Parnell and Justin Richardson
3) Mark Twain
4) Toni Morrison
5) Philip Pullman
6) Kevin Henkes
7) Lois Lowry
8) Chris Crutcher
9) Lauren Myracle
10) Joann Sfar

Lauren is my hero!

And just for fun: the top one hundred banned books of the last decade (1990-2000):

1. Scary Stories (Series) by Alvin Schwartz
2. Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite
3. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
4. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier
5. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
6. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
7. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling
8. Forever by Judy Blume
9. Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
10. Alice (Series) by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
11. Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman
12. My Brother Sam is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
13. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
14. The Giver by Lois Lowry
15. It's Perfectly Normal by Robie Harris
16. Goosebumps (Series) by R.L. Stine
17. A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck
18. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
19. Sex by Madonna
20. Earth's Children (Series) by Jean M. Auel
21. The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
22. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle
23. Go Ask Alice by Anonymous
24. Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers
25. In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak
26. The Stupids (Series) by Harry Allard
27. The Witches by Roald Dahl
28. The New Joy of Gay Sex by Charles Silverstein
29. Anastasia Krupnik (Series) by Lois Lowry
30. The Goats by Brock Cole
31. Kaffir Boy by Mark Mathabane
32. Blubber by Judy Blume
33. Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan
34. Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam
35. We All Fall Down by Robert Cormier
36. Final Exit by Derek Humphry
37. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
38. Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
39. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
40. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Girls: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Daughters by Lynda Madaras
41. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
42. Beloved by Toni Morrison
43. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
44. The Pigman by Paul Zindel
45. Bumps in the Night by Harry Allard
46. Deenie by Judy Blume
47. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
48. Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden
49. The Boy Who Lost His Face by Louis Sachar
50. Cross Your Fingers, Spit in Your Hat by Alvin Schwartz
51. A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
52. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
53. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by A.N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)
54. Asking About Sex and Growing Up by Joanna Cole
55. Cujo by Stephen King
56. James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
57. The Anarchist Cookbook by William Powell
58. Boys and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
59. Ordinary People by Judith Guest
60. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
61. What's Happening to my Body? Book for Boys: A Growing-Up Guide for Parents & Sons by Lynda Madaras
62. Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
63. Crazy Lady by Jane Conly
64. Athletic Shorts by Chris Crutcher
65. Fade by Robert Cormier
66. Guess What? by Mem Fox
67. The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
68. The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline Cooney
69. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
70. Lord of the Flies by William Golding
71. Native Son by Richard Wright
72. Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women's Fantasies by Nancy Friday
73. Curses, Hexes and Spells by Daniel Cohen
74. Jack by A.M. Homes
75. Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo A. Anaya
76. Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle
77. Carrie by Stephen King
78. Tiger Eyes by Judy Blume
79. On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer
80. Arizona Kid by Ron Koertge
81. Family Secrets by Norma Klein
82. Mommy Laid An Egg by Babette Cole
83. The Dead Zone by Stephen King
84. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain
85. Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison
86. Always Running by Luis Rodriguez
87. Private Parts by Howard Stern
88. Where's Waldo? by Martin Hanford
89. Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene
90. Little Black Sambo by Helen Bannerman
91. Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
92. Running Loose by Chris Crutcher
93. Sex Education by Jenny Davis
94. The Drowning of Stephen Jones by Bette Greene
95. Girls and Sex by Wardell Pomeroy
96. How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell
97. View from the Cherry Tree by Willo Davis Roberts
98. The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Keatley Snyder
99. The Terrorist by Caroline Cooney
100. Jump Ship to Freedom by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier

It's interesting to me to realize that this is not a list of the 100 most banned children's books--although it reads like it. While there are plenty of adult titles on this list, the majority are books that are classified as children's titles. I suppose it's important to start limiting children's access to information early, so they're not in the habit of asking questions and seeking answers when they're adults...

[I]t's not just the books under fire now that worry me. It is the books that will never be written. The books that will never be read. And all due to the fear of censorship. As always, young readers will be the real losers. — Judy Blume

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Another Rotten Review

Something Rotten hasn't gone away just yet. Here's a good review of the audio book from School Library Journal:

The smell of the paper mill in Denmark, Tennessee, is Somtehing Rotten because the plant is dumping cancer-causing waste into the Copenhagen River. Teen detective Horatio Wilkes accompanies his best friend, Hamilton Prince, scion of the mill-owning family, home for summer vacation. The two are trying to answer questions surrounding Hamilton's father's death. Both boys suspect Prince's Uncle Claude, who quickly married the grieving widow. When they view a video left by the dead man, the investigation intensifies. With changes in names and events, Alan Gratz has mined Shakespeare's Hamlet for characters and situations in this mystery that also has a bit of romance. For example, Olivia, Hamilton's estranged girlfriend, crusades to clean up the pollution, but becomes very ill after drinking river water to publicize her cause. There's also a play within the novel, and two inept flunkies named Roscoe Grant and Gilbert Stern. While Horatio uncovers clues that point to Claude as the killer, his quick thinking also saves hard-drinking Hamilton from an untimely death. Erik Davies narrates as Horatio with cool prep school sophistication nicely balanced with droll humor. Fun to listen to as a whodunit, the novel also offers an ecology lesson and is an intriguing way to study the elements of the Elizabethan original. A worthwhile additional purchase for school and public libraries.

School Library Journal (Audio Book Review)

You can listen to the first few pages of Something Rotten on the media page of my website.

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Google Alerts Round-up

My weekly vanity check!

Professor Nana (aka library science professor Teri Lesesne, aka The Goddess of YA Literature) thought Something Wicked was funny even before she got the happy juice at the doctor's office...

Melissa at Kidliterate does not want to like baseball, and respectfully asks that people like me stop writing good baseball books like The Brooklyn Nine.

Thanks, guys!

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Obama/McCain Debate Word Cloud

Found on Flickr: "word clouds" featuring the 100 most used words by each candidate last night in their first debate. Red=McCain. Blue=Obama.

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Friday is Studio Day!

So - in my new, post-Random House life, every Friday is studio day. I look forward to it all week. My goal for today was to make something that I could sell during the TRAC Studio Tour coming up in December. I know that's a ways off still, but I suspect it will come sneaking up on me pretty fast. I have quilts to sell, but they're really expensive and I want to have something more affordable for people to buy. The obvious choice was purses.

I made this purse two or three years ago, have carried it ever since, and get tons of people asking me where they can buy one like it.

This is the other side of the purse. All the interest has made me think about selling them, of course, but there's a lot of labor in these. First I have to piece the quilt. Then I have to quilt the quilt. Then I applique over the piecing, and finally I actually have to sew the darn thing into a purse. Like I said, a lot of labor. But I do get a lot of questions, so today I decided to make another one to see just what the actual cost would be.


So here it is. There's still some tweaking that needs to be done. I've always thought the original beak and eyes were just a touch too big. I'm happy with the new beak, but now the eyes are too small and I'm not crazy about the black eyes on the mulberry bird. I also decided that I really like the birds sitting on a wire - it anchors them nicely. So tonight I'll do some more bird sketches and see what I come up with. The construction was just as labor-intensive as I remembered so next time I'll see if I can shave some time off. I'm hoping to have these in a few different colors in my shop by the end of the month - and hopefully at a semi-reasonable price. I'll probably do a downloadable pattern too.

I know this doesn't seem like much for a day's work - but I also started organizing my fabric closet too.
Can you tell which shelf I worked on today? I didn't want to tackle this until after we move into the new house (someday?) but I kind of had to do it to unbury my green fabrics.

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A Wicked good review

Editor Liz sends this good review of Something Wicked from Kliatt Magazine:

In this new take on Macbeth, clever, sardonic teenage detective Horatio, who we first met in Something Rotten, attends a Scottish Highland Festival on Birnam Mountain in Tennessee and finds the mountain's owner, Duncan MacRae, murdered in his tent. Duncan's son Mal looks like the obvious suspect, but Horatio has his doubts. For one thing, Horatio's ambitious friend Mac and Mac's controlling girlfriend, Beth, have fathers who want to turn the mountain into a country club and ski resort. There's also a fetching girl Horatio has his eyes on, and a gang of punks who call themselves Hell's Pipers. There's even a dog--named Spot. Replete with cell phones and up-to-date references (Dance Dance Revolution, Michael Vick), this suspenseful mystery will work even for those unfamiliar with the Shakespeare play, and humor abounds as well. Fans of Horatio will be pleased to learn he has six sisters, with names like Viola and Juliet, so look out for more witty Shakespearean take-offs to come.

Paula Rohrlick, Kliatt Magazine

Thanks, Paula, and thanks Kliatt!

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twitter

If you haven't noticed the widget over on the right side of this web page, I'm officially now a slave of twitter. twitter is like speed blogging in 140 characters. (Not words, characters. Letters and spaces.) You type in what you're thinking, what you're doing, what you want, and anyone who has subscribed to your twitter feed gets an update on their phones (if enabled), on their blogs (if widgeted), on their home pages (if RSS fed), or on their twitter home pages. I'm only following a few people so far, but it's an interesting way of keeping up with people beyond their blogs. It's like reading headlines and not a whole story.

You can follow my twitter feed here.

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Project Runway 5 - Episode 11 Preview

Well, all of our early morning mental gymnastics last week didn't amount to much. Jerell wasn't auf--he won--and Korto (our pick for first) only got third place. Congratulations to Jerell on a well-earned second victory in a row! We're fans. But seriously, what is that thing on your head?


Suede, meanwhile, turned in another disappointing performance (now officially a trend) and Leanne stumbled a bit, while cantankerous Kenley got away with a pink belt that made her model look like she was baring her midriff. (We're not the only ones who thought that, are we? Maybe it's just our old television...)

Joe Faris--bringing sexy pocket square back.

And of course that meant it was Joe's turn to go home. And while Suede's outfit was what some might call a "hot mess," Joe's was truly cringe-worthy and cliche. We had to laugh when Kors brought up the much maligned pocket square--but of course Kenley laughed too, in Joe's presence, further destroying any affinity we might have had left for her. As with Terri, we wonder what happened to Kenley--or if she was just the beneficiary of favorable editing at the beginning that lower numbers cannot now hide. In any event, we can safely say we're not fans.

Kenley finally finds someone who appreciates her company.

Regardless, Kenley remains one of the best designers on the show--which is as good a lead in as any to this week's updated Big Board of Shame:

Korto: 18 points (One 1st, two 2nds, three 3rds, one "top four," one 3rd worst, two safes)
Kenley: 17 points (One 1st, three 2nds, one 3rd, one 3rd worst, four safes)
Jerell: 13 points (Two 1sts, one 2nd, one 3rd, two 3rd worsts, four safes)
Leanne: 12 points (Two 1sts, one 2nd, one "top four," one 3rd worst, one 2nd worst, four safes)
Suede: 2 points (One 1st, two 2nd worsts, one 3rd worst, six safes)
----------------aufed---------------------
Terri: 8 points (One 2nd, two 3rds, five safes, one auf)
Joe: 6 points (One 1st, one 3rd, one "top four," one 2nd worst, five safes, one auf)
Kelli: 3 points (One 1st, three safes, one auf)
Keith: -2 points (One 1st, one 2nd worst, one 3rd worst, three safes, one auf)
Emily: -2 points (Two safes, one auf)
Wes: -3 points (One safe, one auf)
Stella: -4 points (One 3rd, two 2nd worsts, four safes, one auf)
Daniel: -4 points (One 2nd, one 2nd worst, one 3rd worst, two safes, one auf)
Jerry: -4 points (One auf)
Jennifer: -5 points (One 2nd worst, two safes, one auf)
Blayne: -6 points (One 2nd worst, two 3rd worsts, five safes, one auf)

Scoring: Win (4 pts), 2nd place (3 pts), 3rd place (2 pts), Safe (1 pt), 3rd worst (-2 pts), 2nd worst (-3 pts), Aufed (-4 pts)

Notes of interest:

- Korto maintains a narrow lead despite her third place finish.

- Kenley leapfrogs Leanne back into second place.

- Leanne drops from second to fourth as Jerell surges past on the strength of two straight wins.

- Suede is approaching Blayne territory, and is by far the worst designer still standing. He's also, points-wise, worse than three designers already cooling their heels back at the Atlas hotel--including the recently departed Joe.

- Bryant Park--so clearly in the designers' sights at this point in the competition--appears to be something of a toss up between the top four designers, with Korto and Kenley most likely to go based solely on talent.

So, what do the previews tell us, and how do they compare with what the Big Board of Shame is saying? Keep reading, true-believers...

SPOILER ALERT: We have no prior knowledge of who's in and who's out each week. We do, however, watch the preview videos Bravo provides, from which we try to glean clues of what's to come. Then we make guesses. (Often, of late, bad ones.) If you don't like such things, please close your browser and enjoy a pleasing piece of music. May we recommend something by LL Cool J?

Nina said knock you out.

This week's episode is entitled "Rock 'N Runway" (seriously), and features hip-hop artist LL Cool J as a guest judge. LL (or James Todd Smith, as his mother named him) isn't entirely unfamiliar with the fashion industry, having worked behind the scenes on hip-hop sportswear line TROOP, and launching FUBU in the mid-90s. Most recently, LL Cool J launched the clothing line Todd Smith, which focuses on "high-end urban apparel." Also, Biz Markie was already busy.

Mr. James will judge the efforts of the five remaining designers as, according to the Bravo web site, they "tune in to their musical side for a musical genre challenge."

Be afraid, boys and girls. Be very afraid.

The first surprise in the previews holds the answer, we presume, to what we will henceforth refer to as "Model Madness." This would be the controversy sparked by last week's observation over at Blogging Project Runway that some of the current designers have different models in their runway shows at Bryant Park. How this might reveal which designers were decoys is of course what we're most interested in here at Gratz Industries, and we spent much time and energy on the problem last week.

We ignored, of course, the idea that the producers might be the ones to stir the otherwise placid waters of this season's model selections, preferring instead to pin the blame on budding bad girl Kenley. That scenario meant Kenley had to win something first, but this week the preview videos show us Heidi bringing out the eight remaining models (Joe's, Blayne's, and Terri's models are all still hanging around) and telling the designers, "Before we tell you about your next challenge, we're going to let you re-pick your models."

Dun-dun-dun.

Homewrecker.

This is where the Model Madness originates, particularly because the next piece we hear is Suede complaining that Leanne took his model! "I'm going to have to kill Leanne," he says. "It's like the kid in the candy store who wants what everyone else has. Childish!" Not what everyone else has, Suede--just what you have. So after we gave Kenley grief for being an instigator (sorry!), it appears that Leanne is the one who trades in her model Karalyn of her own volition.

Dun-dun-dun.

Here's how things must work out, based on what we know of the runway models at Bryant Park, and assuming there's no further Model Madness next week:

- Jerell picks first, and chooses his own usual model Nicole.
- Korto gets the chance to keep Katarina, and does so.
- Kenley takes the opportunity to swap out her previous model Germaine for Joe's previous model Topacio.
- Leanne chooses to steal Suede's model Tia instead of keeping Karalyn.
- Suede chooses from the three remaining models, and it really doesn't matter which one, since he's never going to get to dress her.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. The only thing that matters in all this is that Leanne picks ahead of Suede so that she can steal his model. The rest of the "madness" isn't really all that madcap.

Someone has stolen Suede's candy.

So why won't Suede put clothes on whichever model he picks? Because we're pretty sure that right after the designers go through the drama of choosing new models, they go back to the workroom where Tim tells them they won't be needing them this challenge. Instead, they'll be restyling each other, ala the fellow-contestant makeover challenge in Season Two that sent our beloved Nick Verreos home instead of Santino. (A sting from which we still smart.) But of course, there will be the added hilarity of seeing them try to remake their colleagues in hip-hop attire.

Oh, the editors try their best to hide the truth from us, but we will not be misled! (This time, we mean. Just ignore all those previous misleadings.) Yes, we're shown a few seconds of runway judging where three of the designers--Suede, Leanne, and Kenley--are shown wearing outfits they brought with them, not outfits that were designed for them, but we call B.S.!

There is far better evidence that the designers are also the models in the workroom shots. Kenley comes out from behind one of the changing screens holding her microphone and battery case--the kind that's usually lumpily hidden beneath the designers' shirts. She also says, "I think Jerell might think I have a better body than he knows," which is an extraordinarily odd comment when taken out of context. In what we hope is professional interest, Korto asks Suede, "Have you ever worn tight jeans before?" And Jerell adds, "Kenley's ass is ridiculous!" which may either refer to the back of some dress Kenley is making, or perhaps to Kenley's own back end. Jerell also offers the tantalizing idea that, "the thought has crossed my mind to sabotage Suede."

Dun-dun-dun.

If we're right, that means there will be two contestants making clothes for men--always a difficult challenge for designers more practiced in womenswear. Which two have to make pants? Let's go to the video. From what we can tell, the pairings look like this:

- Jerell is designing for Kenley.
- Korto is designing for Suede.
- Suede is designing for Jerell.
- Kenley is designing for Leanne.
- Leanne is designing for Korto.

It looks like Korto and Suede draw the short straws. But Korto, we know, can make a pair of pants. Suede? Well, lest we forget, he did his darnedest to talk his co-ed photographer model out of wearing pants last episode because "Suede doesn't do pants."

Dun-dun-dun.

Yeah. Big Board of Shame + pants x hip-hop = Suede + auf. We're just going to go ahead and call that one right now.

The winner is a little tougher to call. We haven't got much evidence, other than a very fancy top Jerell is concocting with sparkly faux jewels. It looks funky, but, well we don't know if it's hip-hop. In fact, we're not sure we would know what hip-hop was if it hip-hopped up and bit us in our noses.

The other designers seem to think that Leanne or Kenley (we can't tell which) is crashing and burning, but they don't feel compelled at this stage to tell her what she's doing isn't hip-hop. Jerell wants to sabotage Suede. Kenley asks, "what does Tim know anyway?" and gets a lashing from Nina on the runway.

Dun-dun-dun.

Yeah, can you make her hair like this big?

Without further proof then, we'll say that Jerell and Korto get high marks, and that Leanne, Kenley, and Suede get low marks. Dare we call Jerell a winner three times in a row? Particularly if we hold with common wisdom that he will be aufed in the last episode before the finale? Nah. We're betting Jerell doesn't bowl a turkey on this one, and that Korto wins the hip-hop challenge.

Leanne, meanwhile, will be sent off after Jerell (as third best or third worst--essentially the same in a five person contest), and Kenley and Suede will sweat it out, when really we all know Suede will be sent home.

That's how we see it playing out. Let's hope we do better this week!

If you're playing Fafarazzi, we recommend Jerell, Korto, and Leanne. Kenley is going to lose points for being told her work isn't working, and Suede, well, we're pretty sure his time is up. Pretty slim pickins this week...

Good luck to all the designers and fans. We'll see you on the runway!

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Almost there

I love the way the Queen Anne's Lace turned out but I HATE the little pink flowers. Too small. Too bland. I'll rip them out tonight and try something else.

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I'm Back!

It's been an extended blog break but I've had an excellent excuse - I was working two jobs and trying to get my first big batch of work in for my book. Now I no longer work for Random House (which means I'm no longer on the road every other week) and I get to go to Penland every day - and get paid for it! All the instructions for my book are written and, though I still need to tackle the big scary Basics chapter and introduction, I decided to take the weekend off and PLAY.

Alan has been off at a conference so it was just Jo and I this weekend. We hit the farmer's market first thing in the morning and brought lots of great stuff back.

This became Roasted Ratatouille - one of my favorite things. It's all the vegetables normally stewed up in ratatouille but roasted instead. Yum! There was no zucchini at the market this week so I added extra eggplant.

BTW - how about that snazzy purple colander? It's my new favorite thing in my kitchen. I got it at Taste - a great shop in Decatur - when we were there for the Decatur Book Festival and Dragon*Con.

This became The Best Tomato Sauce Ever Yep. The recipe is from Finny Knits and it really is the best tomato sauce ever. The first time I tried it I decided to add an onion to the mix - thinking, "What kind of tomato sauce doesn't have onion?" and it ended up really intensely oniony. Alan totally mocked me for messing with a recipe claiming to be perfect before even trying it - so this time I followed it to the letter and it was perfect. I made two batches - one with plum tomatoes and one with regular tomatoes - and both were delicious. I think I liked the regular tomatoes best but I'll have Alan test them out on his pizzas and let him choose. Then next year I'll plant a bajillion of whatever the winner is.

I also made (but didn't photograph) . . .

• one batch of my favorite granola
• one pot of split pea soup
• one pan of brownies
• two batches of waffles
• two batches of pesto

Whew! That was a lot of cooking (and a lot of cleanup) but now the freezer and refrigerator are full and that always makes me happy.

As if that wasn't enough, we also went to the Bakersville Creek Walk Arts Festival. Very nice, but we didn't buy anything there. On the way back we hit the Crimson Laurel Gallery where I picked up this nice little dish by Courtney Murphy.

I'm loving the hand-drawn decoration on this. Look at how the art on the outside of the red blob is different from the art on the inside. Nice detail. I hope she does some bowls in this series the right size for cereal and soup - something with just the right curve to fit in my hand.

I've really been drawn to this kind of hand-drawn line art lately. Look at these lovely wildflower cutouts from Heather Moore at Skinny laMinx. I was trying to capture the same kind of charm with this embroidery on one of Jo's dresses.


I have to say - I've never done much embroidery before. But I loved the embroidery Aimee Ray did for a dress in my book and it's made me want to pull out the basket of threads and see what happens. I'm not done yet, but here's what's happened so far. This was SO MUCH FUN - so now I have to acquire Aimee's book - Doodle Stitching. I remembered reading a post on Heather Bailey's blog where she described embroidery as "coloring in slow motion" and I decided to try to make it doodling in slow motion - so I didn't sketch anything out in advance - I just sat down with needle and thread and an idea. I want to add a couple more flowers tonight and Jo has asked for some bees and maybe a butterfly.

And here's the other thing I made so far this weekend - a scarf made like my quilts. Right now I'm thinking - eh.

I wish I had chosen darker blues and I think I need to choose a heavier fabric for my lining. I used a light-weight silk for the back of this and it feels nice but didn't end up as drapey as I'd like. I'll need to play around with this some more.

That's all for now. I'll be posting more frequently now that I'm back in sane-world. I've got lots of fun crafting on my plate. . .

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United States Illuminati, Knoxville Chapter

I think what bothers me most about this story, reported in yesterday's New York Times, is that the Illuminati employ agents in my hometown and never called me:

Stuck 'agent' tells cops of secret bomb mission

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (AP) -- It wasn't the preferred way to enter the Knoxville Museum of Art, but Richard Anthony Smith told police he was on a mission. The 25-year-old Knoxville man called 911 from his cell phone before dawn Wednesday saying he was trapped in an air conditioning duct leading from the museum roof, Knoxville police spokesman Darrell DeBusk said.

Police and firefighters reached the roof, found a rope and cable and followed them to a vent shaft. Peering inside, they spotted Smith about 45 feet down.

''Mission failed,'' he told them.

Hoisted up and read his rights, Smith told police he was a ''special agent from the United States Illuminati, badge number 0931'' and had rappelled onto the museum from a helicopter, a police report said.

He said he was following orders to ''defuse and confiscate'' a Soviet-made nuclear warhead, specifically a ''MERV6SS-22AN'' warhead, according to the report. The bomb supposedly was hidden in a blue, plastic cow sculpture in the museum basement, he said.

However, Smith told officers his ''agency'' called while he was in air-vent limbo to say it made a mistake and the bomb might be in a Memphis museum instead.

Police charged Smith with aggravated robbery. He was being held on $2,000 bond at the Knox County Jail. Authorities said he did not have a lawyer.

''Fortunately he was able to reach his cell phone,'' DeBusk said, ''or he may not have been found for quite some time.''

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Project Runway 5 - Episode 10 Preview

They're baaaaack. Or at least they were. All this season's aufed designers, plus a healthy dose of previous seasons' designers too. We promised last week that we would flip some cars over in the streets and light them on fire if Uncle Nick wasn't among them, and he wasn't. (Apparently only those former PR designers they didn't have to fly in got the call.) As the only two cars within a ten minute walk of us are our own, we reneged on our promise to set things alight in civil disobedience--but we still would have liked to see Nick Verreos again. (And some other folks, for that matter. But we digress.)

We were duped again last week. Two of the best designers--including the winner--weren't shown on the runway, so we blithely bought the previews and picked among the six people we saw. Little did we know that Project Runway was going to cheat us out of one of our favorite parts of each show--hearing the comments about the best three garments, and rooting for our personal favorites. What gives? We wanted to hear what they had to say. All we got instead was a dismissive "Congratulations...Jerell. The former Project Runway designers thought your design was the best, and so do we."

Uh-huh. Right. We're sure it was that simple. (And what kind of contest is it where Robert Plotkin has a say in the winner?)

Meanwhile, we were also disappointed that the returning season five designers weren't given any motivation whatsoever to help their still-kicking contestants. Some kind souls (like Jennifer and Stella) gave their all because that's what they do. Some overbearing designers (like Jerry and Daniel, if you read Tim's Take) gave their all because they wanted to take over. But mostly you got designers like Wes, who behind the scenes tells us, "Yeah, Kenley's going down hard for this mess," but who doesn't really care to tell her to her face. And why should he? What possible reason--besides garnering screen time like Terri and Keith--does he have for caring?

Red rover, red rover, we dare Christian over!

And thus we get to the major problem with last week's stunt: no motivation. No, it wouldn't be fair if a long-aufed designer wormed his or her way back in at the last minute, and yes, it would have caused even more chaos at Bryant Park, where seven designers would have had to show, not the already-cumbersome six. But without the motivation to earn a place back on the show, the aufed designers were, for the most part, nothing but background props and sewing assistants. Yawn. Not even Jay and Christian could save this snooze fest. In an otherwise solid season, this episode has to rank among the lowest in customer satisfaction.

See, it's got stars since this is an astrological challenge.

So, congratulations to Jerell, we guess, for winning what was part popularity contest, part "I have more work done on my dress by 8 p.m. than anyone else." Not totally fair, we know, but we like Jerell, and we would have liked to see him win one outright on the runway--not like this. And this win might possibly have been by default, as Leanne's Scorpio dress was possibly the only other avant garde design in the house last week.

This will play to our strengths: I'll do gaudy color, you do leatha straps.

Meanwhile, it was time to say goodbye to Blayne, who finally bottomed out, and Terri, who overstayed her welcome. As for Blayne, all we can say is we grew to like him after he got over his "licious" thing. Maybe it was the tanning wearing off that did it. We're tempted to go back and get screencaps from each episode to see him going progressively from orange to white, but it's already well past midnight, and we have miles to go with this blog post before we sleep. We'll leave that to some other industrious blogger. Likable as he was though, his designs were uniformly atrocious. Good luck Blayne--maybe Mary Kate Olsen will give you a call now.

Terri (left) and her partner--her gigantic, invisible ego (right)--work hard on their design.

As for Terri--wow, what happened here? A woman who started as a confident, successful designer on the show quickly morphed into an arrogant, bitchy hack. This can't just be a consequence of skillful editing, can it? She went from a saucy "oh no you d'n't!" to a surly "#*@! you" pretty fast. We once thought she was final three material, but last week we were fine to see her go. Was her dress any better or worse or more or less avant garde than Suede's? Not in our book. But he was kept and she was axed, and away we go.

And speaking of skillful editing--the laugh out loud moment of the week was the perfect editing of Leanne saying, "I chose Scorpio because I didn't want to do some awful literal thing like have scales hanging from the arms of the model," and then cutting to Blayne and Stella--absolutely giddy with excitement--proposing to do that very thing. Priceless.

So this week we're down to three. Let's see where they sit on the Big Board of Shame before we move on to the big mind-numbing SAT logic problem of the week...

Korto: 16 points (One 1st, two 2nds, two 3rds, one "top four," one 3rd worst, two safes)
Leanne: 14 points (Two 1sts, one 2nd, one "top four," one 2nd worst, four safes)
Kenley: 14 points (One 1st, two 2nds, one 3rd, one 3rd worst, four safes)
Joe: 10 points (One 1st, one 3rd, one "top four," one 2nd worst, five safes)
Jerell: 9 points (One 1st, one 2nd, one 3rd, two 3rd worsts, four safes)
Suede: 5 points (One 1st, one 2nd worst, one 3rd worst, six safes)
------------------------------------------
Terri: 8 points (One 2nd, two 3rds, five safes, one auf)
Kelli: 3 points (One 1st, three safes, one auf)
Keith: -2 points (One 1st, one 2nd worst, one 3rd worst, three safes, one auf)
Emily: -2 points (Two safes, one auf)
Wes: -3 points (One safe, one auf)
Stella: -4 points (One 3rd, two 2nd worsts, four safes, one auf)
Daniel: -4 points (One 2nd, one 2nd worst, one 3rd worst, two safes, one auf)
Jerry: -4 points (One auf)
Jennifer: -5 points (One 2nd worst, two safes, one auf)
Blayne: -6 point (One 2nd worst, two 3rd worsts, five safes)

Scoring: Win (4 pts), 2nd place (3 pts), 3rd place (2 pts), Safe (1 pt), 3rd worst (-2 pts), 2nd worst (-3 pts), Aufed (-4 pts)

Notes of interest:

- We're faced with a unique problem this week. Because only one person in the top four was singled out--the winner Jerell--we never got to know who the judges thought were second, third, and fourth best. Likewise, we have four people on the bottom this week with two aufed. To reconcile this mess with our very clean and proper scoring system, we're awarding 4 points to Jerell, who did win, after all, and subtracting 4 points from both Terri and Blayne, as usual, for being aufed. Since the rest of the top four weren't ranked, we're going to give 2 points each to the remaining top three designers and call it a draw. (Though were were sorely tempted to award Leanne 3 points.) As for the other two in the bottom, Kenley was kept first, which puts her in "third worst" position, and Suede was one breath away from elimination, which gives him a "third worst."

- Korto takes the late lead over Kenley. Korto also adds to her incredible streak of not playing it safe in eight out of ten episodes, with only one bottom three finish. That's seven top finishes in ten challenges--quite a feat.

- All those single points for being safe week in and week out finally catch up to Suede, as two bad showings in a row make him plummet into last place.

- The top three has suspiciously settled out into the names most being bandied about as the three official finalists at last week's Bryant Park show. All six remaining contestants appeared of course, but three of those were red herrings. Will Korto, Kenley, and Leanne be the last three designers standing? We're liking the odds.

- Blayne goes from being the worst designer on the show to the worst designer among the aufed, which is quite a trick after surviving this long in the season. Terri meanwhile immediately becomes the best designer sent off so far.

We've got lots to examine and suss out this week, so let's get on with the disclaimer--

SPOILER ALERT: We have no prior knowledge of who's in and who's out each week. We do, however, watch the preview videos Bravo provides, from which we try to glean clues of what's to come. Then we make guesses. Often bad ones. If you don't like such things, please close your browser and read a book until tonight's episode.

Everyone in the front row gets to see London, France, and Heidi's underpants.

This week's episode is called "Transformation," and alas, no, the object is not to build robot Transformers out of car parts. The idea instead is to "re-invent college-aged women for entry into the working world." Because, you know, no college-aged girl is capable of dressing herself. Oh, and just to humiliate these fashion-challenged co-eds even further, their mothers are along to tell the designers what to make for their daughters. Seriously, shouldn't these women be dressing themselves by now? Particularly if we're going to entrust them with actual real-world jobs. But we digress again. This week's guest judge will be American fashion designer Cynthia Rowley, who previously sat in for Michael Kors in Season Two's lingerie episode. (The one in which Santino inexplicably escaped being eliminated. Oy.)

On to the preview videos! Mothers are telling the designers what they want and what they don't want. Leanne promises, "one sexy teacher dress, coming up." Suede is making something in a purple print. Kenley is making a 50's style purple dress with a pink belt. Korto is making a gray suit jacket. Joe is ignoring his model's chosen professional field in his design. A dog sits in a metal chair next to a stack of books. (Wha-huh?) Kenley tells us, "Tim just doesn't get me as a designer." (Uh-huh.) Later, Leanne and her model's mother try to convince the poor girl that the matronly blue dress Leanne has made for her will be fine, as long as she covers it up with other clothes.

There's more tricky editing going on in this preview. Tim makes comments that appear to be to Kenley, but if we slow down the Zapruder film, we think we can show that all the comments are really directed at Joe. Take a look at this screencap, when Tim is clearly talking to Joe:

Tim is concerned.

Now check out these two, where Tim is clearly talking to Kenley:

Tim doesn't "get" Kenley.

All right. As long as you're confident, I'm confident.

Now compare the background of this screencap to the previous three:

Tim is still concerned.

In the preview video, it's edited as though the above clip is Tim is telling Kenley, "It looks messy." But look at that backdrop. It's the same place he's standing when he talks to Joe in the earlier bit. I think all of Tim's comments in this section--all his negative comments, mind you--are actually leveled at Joe, who has already admitted to Tim that he didn't pay much attention to what his model will be doing with her life after school. Tim is concerned, and Joe should be too. But what of Kenley? Why the misleading edit here? Perhaps to disguise the fact that she finishes in the top, not the bottom?

Then it's on to the runway, where the preview editors have a field day. Every one of the remaining six designers is shown, but it's almost impossible to tell which comments are leveled at whom. There is a "she can look sophisticated but youthful," which we think may be directed at Leanne's dowdy school marm outfit, and someone on the other side of the runway--Suede? Jerell?--is told by Nina that his dress is "the total cliche." Meanwhile, Heidi has some fun with Kenley: "Kenley's probably thinking, 'Finally, I can dress someone exactly like me!'" Kenley laughs (of course) and says yes, it was a lot of fun to work with her client.

Before we go on though, we have to add to all of this the very confusing issue of model-swapping in the finale. We're not going to talk about the Bryant Park collections yet, but for the purposes of predictions this week we have to talk about who has what models going forward. The problem was first caught by our eagle eyed friends over at Blogging Project Runway. (Where all of these collections are posted, in case you want to investigate for yourself.)

In the past, each designer has had one Project Runway model to anchor his or her runway collection at Bryant Park. This is the model who will get a "fashion spread" in Elle Magazine as a reward for working with the winning designer.

Only this time, well, it's complicated. Very complicated.

You know those logic problems you get on standardized tests, like, "Suzie invites five boys and four girls to her wedding..." where you then have to figure out which boy came with which girl and which girl came alone? Well, we've got a doozy for you. Hang on to your keyboards, kids:

Bryant Park Model Madness

Topacio (Joe's current model) walks for Kenley.

Tia (Suede's current model) walks for Leanne.

Karalyn (Leanne's current model) and Polina (Blayne's aufed model) walk for Joe.

Katarina is still with Korto.

Nicole is with Jerell.

No Project Runway model walks for Suede.
Germaine (Kenley's current model) is nowhere to be found.

It's some kind of horrid logic problem! We're having flashbacks to the GRE! Aaaaaaaaaaa! Breathe into bag. In, out, in, out. Om shanti shanti om.

Homewrecker!

Okay. If there's one thing we're sure about, at some point in the next three episodes there's a model shake-up. After much discussion with the knowledgeable folks at BPR, we've come to agree that the only person who would instigate such a shake-up is Kenley. First, she's aggressive enough to do it where Leanne, Joe, and Suede don't appear to be. Korto is too, in my estimation, but she ends up at Bryant Park with the same model, so she clearly doesn't want to trade up.

Second, if you'll remember, Kenley had Shannone originally--the model considered to be hands-down the best walker of the bunch--until Shannone got a paying gig and left the show. Germaine, who had been out, was brought back and given to Kenley--so it's possible Kenley isn't as attached to her model as the others are who've been working with them from the start.

Third, each of the remaining designers except Kenley has won a competition with his or her current model, and in each case, when given the opportunity to trade up afterwards, they all opted to stay with the girls they have. Kenley was the outright winner of episode three, and the assistant to Keith's winning design in episode five, but has never won outright after her original model, Shannone, withdrew following episode six.

All this points to Kenley mixing things up with a model swap-a-roonie. But to do that (and here we finally come to the rub, boys and girls...) Kenley has to win a challenge in the next three episodes. Actually, she has to win a challenge in the next two episodes, because the designers don't get a chance to change models after the final in-season challenge that decides who is going to Bryant Park.

So. If we're right about all of this, does Kenley win this week, or next week? The secret, oddly, may lie in the fact that Suede has no Project Runway model in his lineup at Bryant Park. Back to our logic problem! ::shiver:: See if this makes any sense:

1) Kenley wins, Suede loses.
2) Kenley's model (Germaine) and Suede's model (Tia) stand next to Heidi at the beginning of the next episode.
3) Kenley chooses to swap out models, and everyone is brought out. Kenley takes Joe's model (Topacio).
4) A rattled Joe must now choose someone else's model, and doesn't want Germaine. He apologizes, but takes Leanne's model (Karalyn).
5) Korto and Jerell choose early enough to get their own models back, OR those models aren't chosen in the ensuing shake-up and fall to them. OR Jerell or Korto are already gone, and their models aren't available.
6) Either because she picks last, OR because she has an early pick and she's nice and doesn't want to rock the boat, Leanne chooses Suede's model (Tia) over Kenley's former model (Germaine).
7) Germaine, despite being the model of the winning designer the previous episode, is given the boot for a second time that season.

Suede: unwitting agent of doom?

We've tried this equation with other people losing besides Suede, and it never seems to work. If we're right, Kenley will win a challenge the same week Suede is aufed from the show. Since his model is taken by Leanne--whom collective wisdom has being one of the three finalists--he can't get her back for his decoy runway show. Hence he has to cast all new girls for Bryant Park, and has no Project Runway model representation. Also, the fact that he has no Project Runway model walking for him would seem to pretty much guarantee he's not a finalist.

What have we learned from all this, children? Well, first, that it's not good to work on Project Runway logic problems at 1:30 in the morning--but that's a personal lesson. More importantly, it would appear that if both Joe and Suede are goners before the finale (which many people assume), Suede must go before Joe. Otherwise, when the model shake-up comes, Topacio is not around for Kenley to take, OR, things work out like this:

1) Kenley wins, Joe loses.
2) Kenley's model (Germaine) and Joe's model (Topacio) stand on the runway with Heidi.
3) Kenley chooses to swap models, and chooses Joe's model (Topacio).
4) At this point, there is ZERO reason for anyone else to swap models. The winning model has been swapped for the losing model. All is right with the modeling world. But we know the models get swapped around, so this doesn't happen.

This all assumes, of course, that it's Kenley who does the model mix-up--but that's an assumption we're willing to live with. We love assuming, because we like making asses out of ourselves.

So, where are we with this week's predictions? We have one more batch of parameters to add to the logic soup we've created. Since the designers don't use their models this week, Terri's and Blayne's models won't be brought out at the beginning and offered to last episode's winner Jerell. That means that by the time we get to next week's episode, there will be three aufed models available for the winner to choose--Terri's, Blayne's, and this week's loser's. Are you following all this?

That means if Kenley wins this week, she would have eight models to choose from, should she ask to swap models. That gets crazy chatoic, and makes us wonder why we don't see more of those models in the mix-up. Yes, Joe does have Blayne's former model at Bryant Park, but he also has Leanne's. How would he end up with Leanne's model unless he stole her from her in the mix-up? We're guessing that Blayne's model auditions for the Bryant Park show along with all the other model hopefuls, and gets selected by Joe to round out his runway collection.

So, using the crazy number of models to choose from as a factor next week, we're thinking it's not this episode, but next episode that Kenley wins. That means the model shake up would come one episode later. And here we go with the dizzying logic puzzle again...

If we assume that the three girls are going to be our finalists, and if Suede is out the week Kenley wins, and if Joe can't go before Suede, and if Kenley can't win only the last episode and still cause the model havoc we've seen, then...

Episode Ten: Designer X wins; Jerell loses.
Episode Eleven: Kenley wins, Suede loses.
Episode Twelve: Kenley swaps models. Designer X wins, Joe loses.
Finale Episode: Leanne, Korto, and Kenley duke it out at Bryant Park.

Are we full of crap? Quite possibly. We're almost certainly nuts. But boy was it fun to puzzle all that out!

Okay--so, long story short (too late!) we think it's Jerell's turn to go this week. He gets very little coverage in the preview videos, which often means something very good or very bad for that contestant at this stage. Kenley, meanwhile, appears to be getting a decent reaction on the runway--but it can't be too good, if our math is right, otherwise she'll initiate Project Walkoff an episode earlier than we think it happens. We think Kenley will be in the top two or three, but not win.

Based on what else we've seen, Leanne and Joe both appear to be in trouble. Leanne's dress looks school marmish--which is doubly damning as her client is a school teacher. It sounds like Leanne is listening a little too much to her client's mom, and not her client, and Leanne is possibly the recipient of Kor's comment, "She can look sophisticated but youthful."

You auf me, and the Dee-troit mafia "aufs" you, get me sweetheart?

Joe on the other hand seems to have totally ignored the profession of his client in his design. He gets a talking to by Tim in the workroom--and as we know, if Tim says bad things about you in the workroom, you're bound to hear bad things on the runway. In fact, Kors tells someone on the runway that he would never have guessed this person was a photographer from the outfit she's been given. But seriously, what does he want, khakis and a photographer's vest? Still, this appears to be part of this week's challenge, so Joe will lose points for that with the judges whether his design is fashion forward or not.

But if Joe can't go before Suede, and Leanne is in the finals, neither of them is aufed this week. If Korto and Kenley are also in the finals, and Suede isn't aufed until Kenley wins one, and Kenley doesn't win this week because of the model mess that would cause next week (oy, here we go again!)...that leaves Jerell as the goner. We're surprised to be making this call, as we a) like Jerell, b) think this is a challenge, like the Brooke Shields one, that is right up his alley, and c) have zero real evidence that he is in trouble this week. But we've already painted ourselves into a logic corner, and we're not clever enough to get out.

With just six designers left, there's no real reason or guarantee that the judges are going to find three good and three bad, but old habits die hard:

Top three: Korto, Suede, Kenley
Bottom three: Joe, Leanne, Jerell

Korto plays well with others.

Korto for the win, based purely on her past performances. Kenley for second, based on the positive reaction she gets on he runway. Suede for third, as some nice comments seem to be directed toward where he's standing on the runway.

Leanne's "sexy teacher dress" (right), with matching bib.

Among the losers, Joe gets a "you're in," and sent backstage first--good design, no evidence of hewing to the challenge guidelines. Leanne and Jerell will stand as the bottom two. Leanne's look made the girl look too old. Jerell's look was too cliche. Jerell goes home, and the citizens of Portland, Oregon breathe a collective sigh of relief as their hometown girl survives.

If you're playing Fafarazzi, things get dicey now that we're down to six. You could hedge your bets and always pick the three designers most people now think are going to make Bryant Park--Korto, Kenley, and Leanne--but if one or two of them cut it close with a bottom finish you'll get stung. Not as badly as someone going out, of course. Joe, Jerell, and Suede become inherently risky picks from here on out. As for us, well, we've always made it a point of putting our picks where our mouth is, so we'll go for our top three finishers this week, even though Suede makes for a dangerous selection.

Good luck to all the designers and their fans. We'll see you on the runway!

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